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Phillip Black

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RE: Go Ahead & Smile - You Know That You Want To
4/30/2016 9:02:04 PM
Hi Myrna,

Glad you liked it. Here's another one you might like...

BAKED BEANS

If this doesn't make you laugh out loud, nothing will........

Once there lived a woman who had a maddening passion for baked beans. She loved them but unfortunately, they had always had a very embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction to her.

Then one day she met a man and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry she thought to herself, "He is such a sweet and gentle man, he would never go for this carrying on."

She made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.

Some months later, her car broke down on the way home from work.

Since she lived in the country she called her husband and told him that she would be late because she had to walk home.

On her way, she passed a small diner and the odor of the baked beans was more than she could stand. Since she still had miles to walk, she figured that she would walk off any ill effects by the time she reached home.

So, she stopped at the diner and before she knew it, she had consumed three large orders of baked beans.

All the way home she putt-putted, and upon arriving home she felt reasonably sure she could control it.

Her husband seemed excited to see her and exclaimed delightedly, "Darling, I have a surprise for dinner tonight."

He then blindfolded her and led her to her chair at the table. She seated herself and just as he was about to remove the blindfold from his wife, the telephone rang. He made her promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned. He then went to answer the telephone.

The baked beans she had consumed were still affecting her and the pressure was becoming almost unbearable, so while her husband was out of the room she seized the opportunity, shifted her weight to one leg and let it go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of pulpwood mill.

She took her napkin and fanned the air around her vigorously. Then, she shifted to the other cheek and ripped three more, which reminded her of cooked cabbage.

Keeping her ears tuned to the conversation in the other room, shewent on like this for another ten minutes. When the telephone farewells signalled the end of her freedom, she fanned the air a few more times with her napkin, placed it on her lap and folded her hands upon it, smiling contentedly to herself. She was the picture of innocence when her husband returned, apologizing for taking so long.

He asked her if she peeked and she assured him that she had not.

At this point, he removed the blindfold ... and she was surprised!!

There were twelve dinner guests seated around the table to wish her a "Happy Birthday"!!!


Have A Happy Weekend Y'all,

Phil
“There may be trouble all around, but I am calling you to a place of peace. Be still and know that I am God. Come to Me, and I will give you wisdom, strength, and grace for everything you face." Psalm 46:10
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Myrna Ferguson

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RE: Go Ahead & Smile - You Know That You Want To
5/1/2016 1:43:50 AM
Phil,

My question? How did these 12 people ever keep quiet all this time.

I thought he might be serving beans. Oh, well. lol

LOVE IS THE ANSWER
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Phillip Black

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RE: Go Ahead & Smile - You Know That You Want To
5/2/2016 2:48:27 AM
Hi Myrna,

God question my Friend, I wondered the same thing. Would be kind of hard not to say anything at all. Maybe they were the silent kind that really stank, you know, "Silent but Deadly!". Here's another one that you might like.

Every One Has A Story

Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so Peter had to tell the first one, "Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what's your story?"

So the first man replies: "Well, for a while I've suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her red-handed.

As I came into my 25th floor apartment, I could tell something was wrong, but all my searching around didn't reveal where this other guy could have been hiding.

Finally, I went out to the balcony, and sure enough, there was this man hanging off the railing, 25 floors above ground! By now I was really mad, so I started beating on him and kicking him, but wouldn't you know it, he wouldn't fall off. So finally I went back into my apartment and got a hammer and starting hammering on his fingers. Of course, he couldn't stand that for long, so he let go and fell -- but even after 25 stories, he fell into the bushes, stunned but okay.

I couldn't stand it anymore, so I ran into the kitchen, grabbed the fridge and threw it over the edge where it landed on him, killing him instantly. But all the stress and anger got to me, and I had a heart attack and died there on the balcony."

"That sounds like a pretty bad day to me," said Peter, and let the man in.

The second man comes up and Peter explains to him about heaven being full, and again asks for his story.

"It's been a very strange day. You see, I live on the 26th floor of my apartment building, and every morning I do my exercises out on my balcony. Well, this morning I must have slipped or something, because I fell over the edge. But I got lucky, and caught the railing of the balcony on the floor below me. I knew I couldn't hang on for very long, when suddenly this man burst out onto the balcony.

I thought for sure I was saved, when he started beating on me and kicking me. I held on the best I could until he ran into the apartment and grabbed a hammer and started pounding on my hands. Finally I just let go, but again I got lucky and fell into the bushes below, stunned but all right. Just when I was thinking I was going to be okay, this refrigerator comes falling out of the sky and crushes me instantly, and now I'm here."

Once again, Peter had to concede that that sounded like a pretty horrible death.

The third man came to the front of the line, and again Peter explained that heaven was full and asked for his story.

"Picture this," says the third man, "I'm hiding inside a refrigerator..."


Have A Happy Week,

Phil
“There may be trouble all around, but I am calling you to a place of peace. Be still and know that I am God. Come to Me, and I will give you wisdom, strength, and grace for everything you face." Psalm 46:10
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Myrna Ferguson

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RE: Go Ahead & Smile - You Know That You Want To
5/2/2016 2:55:24 AM
Phil, I can answer that one with, be sure your sins find you out. lol
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Phillip Black

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RE: Go Ahead & Smile - You Know That You Want To
5/2/2016 3:34:15 AM
Hello Again Myrna,

How true my Friend, at least mine always have. Thanks for keeping in touch.


Have A Great Night,

Phil
“There may be trouble all around, but I am calling you to a place of peace. Be still and know that I am God. Come to Me, and I will give you wisdom, strength, and grace for everything you face." Psalm 46:10
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