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Peter Fogel

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RE: Your Friday Chuckle (On Saturday - Again :) ) 5/8/09
10/25/2009 6:10:09 AM

Hi Evelyn,

I have no problem being politically incorrect. Seems like I'm making a habit of doing just that. :)

The editor doesn't allow cuss words in any case. Must be a liberal editor. :)



Two Crocodiles 
were sitting at the side of the swamp near the lake.
The smaller one turned to the bigger one and said, "I can't understand how
You can be so much bigger than me. We're the same age; we were the same size
as kids. I just don't get it."

"Well," said the big Croc, "what have you been eating?"

"Politicians, same as you," replied the small Croc.

"Hmm. Well, where do you catch them?"

"Down the other side of the swamp near the parking lot by the Capitol."

"Same here. Hmm. How do you catch them?"

"Well, I crawl up under one of their Lexus cars and wait for one to unlock
the car door. Then I jump out, grab them by the leg, shake the **** out of
them and eat 'em!"

"Ah!" says the big Crocodile, "I think I see your problem. You're not
getting any real nourishment. See, by the time you finish shaking the ****
out of a Politician, there's nothing left but an
asshole and a briefcase.

Peter Fogel
Babylon 7
RE: Your Friday Chuckle (On Saturday - Again :) ) 5/8/09
10/26/2009 3:44:11 AM
Hello Peter, how a Saturday joke on Monday.
I love Maxine because in her own way she always
makes so much sense.
Maxine On:
The Importance of Walking
Walking can add minutes to your life.
This enables you at 85 years old to
spend an additional 5 months in a
nursing home at $7000 per month.

My grandpa started walking five
miles a day when he was 60. Now
he's 97 years old and we don't
know where the hell he is.

I like long walks,especially when
they are taken by people who
annoy me.

The only reason I would take up
walking is so that I could hear heavy
breathing again. 
I have to walk early in the morning,
before my brain figures out what I'm

I joined a health club last year,
spent about 400 bucks.
Haven't lost a pound.
Apparently you have to go there.


Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise',
I wash my mouth out with chocolate...
(I really love this one)

I do have flabby thighs, but fortunately
my stomach covers them.

The advantage of exercising every day
is so when you die, they'll say,
'Well, she looks good doesn't she.'


If you are going to try cross-country skiing,
start with a small country.

I know I got a lot of exercise the last few
years,......just getting over the hill.

We all get heavier as we get older,
because there's a lot more information
in our heads.That's my story and I'm
sticking to it.


Every time I start thinking too much
about how I look, I just find a Happy
Hour and by the time I leave, I look
just fine.
You could run this over to your friends
But just e-mail it to them!
RE: Your Friday Chuckle (On Saturday - Again :) ) 5/8/09
10/26/2009 4:03:21 AM
Here is something I got in my inbox today. It is not a joke but
I thought maybe some might enjoy a trip down memory lane.
I can remember all of them except the milk man. I was raised
on a farm and we had our own cows.

A little house with three bedrooms and one car on the street.
A mower that you had to push to make the grass look neat.

In the kitchen on the wall we only had one phone,
And no need for recording things, someone was always home.

We only had a living room where we would congregate,
Unless it was at mealtime in the kitchen where we ate.

We had no need for family rooms or extra rooms to dine,
When meeting as a family those two rooms would work out fine.

We only had one TV set, and channels maybe two,
But always there was one of them with something worth the view.

For snacks we had potato chips that tasted like a chip,
And if you wanted flavor there was Lipton's onion dip

Store-bought snacks were rare because my mother liked to cook,
And nothing can compare to snacks in Betty Crocker's book.

Weekends were for family trips or staying home to play,
We all did things together -- even go to church to pray.

When we did our weekend trips depending on the weather,
No one stayed at home because we liked to be together.

Sometimes we would separate to do things on our own,
But we knew where the others were without our own cell phone.

Then there were the movies with your favorite movie star,
And nothing can compare to watching movies in your car.

Of course there were the picnics at the peak of summer season,
Pack a lunch and find some trees and never need a reason.

Get a baseball game together with all the friends you know,
Have real action playing ball -- and no game video.

Remember when the doctor used to be the family friend,
And didn't need insurance or a lawyer to defend?

The way that he took care of you or what he had to do,
Because he took an oath and strived to do the best for you.

Remember going to the store and shopping casually,
And  when you went to pay for it you used your own money?

Nothing that you had to swipe or punch in some amount,
Remember when the cashier person had to really count?

The milkman used to go from door to door,
And it was just a few cents more than going to the store.

There was a time when mailed letters came right to your door,
Without a lot of junk mail ads sent out by every store.

The mailman knew each house by name and knew where it was sent;
There were not loads of mail addressed to "present occupant."

There was a time when just one glance was all that it would take,
And you would know the kind of car, the model and the make.

They didn't look like turtles trying to squeeze out every mile;
They were streamlined, white walls, fins, and really had some  style.

One time the music that you played whenever you would jive,
Was from a vinyl, big-holed record called a forty-five.

The record player had a post to keep them all in line,
And then the records would drop down and play one at a time.

Oh sure, we had our problems then, just like we do today,
And always we were striving, trying for a better way.

Oh, the simple life we lived still seems like so much fun,
How can you explain a game, just kick the can and run? 

And why would boys put baseball cards between bicycle spokes, 
And for a nickel red machines had little bottled Cokes?

This life seemed so much easier and slower in some ways,
I love the new technology but I sure miss those days.

So time moves on and so do we, and nothing stays the same,
But I sure love to reminisce and walk down memory lane.
Because one day these memories will be gone to the grave
with all that lived during this period.
Everyone have a great week.
RE: Your Friday Chuckle (On Saturday - Again :) ) 5/8/09
10/26/2009 11:36:42 AM
Imagine insulting those poor horses like that!
Debra Brown Ventures Worldwide
Peter Fogel

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RE: Your Friday Chuckle (On Saturday - Again :) ) 5/8/09
10/26/2009 2:25:10 PM

Hi Evelyn,

Yep, I remember most of em even though I was 13 when we moved to Israel. Isn't nostalgia great?

Here's one I got in my inbox today from a good friend. :)



A beautiful fairy appeared one day to a destitute
Mexican refugee outside an Arizona immigration
"Good man, the fairy said, "I've been sent here by
President Obama and told to grant you 3 wishes.
Since you just arrived in the USA with your wife
and 8 children"
The man told the fairy, "Well, where I come from
we don't have good teeth, so I want new teeth,
maybe a lot of gold in them."

The fairy looked at the man's almost toothless grin
and -- PING! -- he had a brand new shining set of
gold teeth in his mouth!

"What else?" asked the fairy, "Two more to go."

The refugee claimant now got bolder. "I need a
big house with a three car garage in Annapolis on
the water with eight bedrooms for my family and
the rest of my relatives who still live in my country. 
I want to bring them all over here" --- and -- PING!
 -- in the distance there could be seen a beautiful
mansion with a three car garage, a long driveway,
a walkout patio with a BBQ in an upscale
neighborhood overlooking the bay.
"One more wish", said the fairy, waving her wand.

"Yes, one more wish. I want to be like an American
with American clothes instead of these torn
clothes, and a baseball cap instead of this sombrero. 
And I want to have white skin like Americans" ---
and --- PING! -- The man was transformed - wearing
worn out jeans, a Baltimore Orioles T-shirt and a
baseball cap. He had his bad teeth back and the
mansion had disappeared from the horizon.

"What happened to my new teeth?"  he wailed,
"Where is my new house?"

The fairy said:
'Tough sh*t Amigo, now that you are a white
American, you have to fend for yourself."

 And she disappeared.
Peter Fogel
Babylon 7

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