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Peter Fogel

7259 Posts
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RE: Your Friday Chuckle (On Saturday - Again :) ) 5/8/09
10/26/2009 2:27:41 PM

Imagine insulting those poor horses like that!

Hi Debra,

I'd say it was **** inconsiderate. :)



Peter Fogel
Babylon 7
RE: Your Friday Chuckle (On Saturday - Again :) ) 5/8/09
10/26/2009 3:27:46 PM

After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a
'gripe sheet,' which tells mechanics about problems
with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems,
document their repairs on the form, and then pilots
review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of
humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints
submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a P) and the
solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance

By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has
never, ever had an accident.     

P:  Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S:  Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P:  Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S:  Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P:  Something loose in cockpit
S:  Something tightened in cockpit

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DMEvolume set to more believable level.

P:  Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S:  That's what friction locks are for.

P:  IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S:  IFF always inoperative in OFFmode.

P:  Suspected crack in windshield.
S.  Suspect you're right

P:  Number 3 engine missing.
S:  Engine found on right wing after brief search
P:  Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S:  Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.
P:  Target radar hums.
S:  Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P:  Mouse in cockpit.
S:  Cat installed.

And the best one for last............

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel.
    Sounds like a midget pounding on something
    with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from the midget
RE: Your Friday Chuckle (On Saturday - Again :) ) 5/8/09
10/26/2009 3:46:13 PM
Just in case you are having a rough day, here
is a stress management technique recommended
in all the latest psychological journals. The funny
thing is that it really does work and will make you

1. Picture yourself lying on your belly on a warm
    rock that hangs out over a crystal clear stream.

2. Picture yourself with both your hands dangling
    in the cool  running water.
3. Birds are sweetly singing in the cool mountain
4. No one knows your secret place.
5. You are in total seclusion from that hectic place
    called the world.
6. The soothing sound of a gentle water fall fills
    the air with a cascade of serenity.
7. The water is so crystal clear that you can easily
    make out the face of the person you are holding
There!! See? It really does work. You're smiling
already. Feel free to forward this if you know others
who might benefit from this technique.
Peter Fogel

7259 Posts
Invite Me as a Friend
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Person Of The Week
RE: Your Friday Chuckle (On Saturday - Again :) ) 5/8/09
10/27/2009 6:18:47 AM
Hi Evelyn & Friends,

I've seen the UPS "gripe sheet" before and it never ceases to bring a smile and a chuckle. Common sense to those that have their feet firmly planted on the ground is an attribute that high fliers and space cadets don't always have. :)

What a sloution for stress. Hmmmm, I just wonder if.......



Three little ducks go into a Bar......

'Say, what's your name?' the bartender asked the first duck.

'Huey,' was the reply.

'How's your day been, Huey?'

'Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day. What else could a duck want?' said Huey.

'Oh. That's nice,' said the bartender. He turned to the second duck, 'Hi, and what's your name?'

'Dewey,' came the answer from duck number two.

'So how's your day been, Dewey! ?' he asked.

'Great. Lovely day. I've had a ball too. Been in and out of puddles all day myself. What else could a duck want?'

The bartender turned to the third duck and said, 'So, you must be Louie?'

'No,' she said, batting her eyelashes.

'My name is Puddles.'

Peter Fogel
Babylon 7
RE: Your Friday Chuckle (On Saturday - Again :) ) 5/8/09
10/28/2009 3:20:46 PM

Fall Classes for Women at

By Thursday October 29
, 2009


Class 1

Up in Winter, Down in Summer - How to Adjust a Thermostat
Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.

Meets 4 wks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hrs beginning at 7:00 PM..

Class 2
Which Takes More Energy - Putting the Toilet Seat Down, or *****ing About It for 3 Hours?
Round Table Discussion.

Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3
Is It Possible To Drive Past a Wal-Mart Without Stopping?--Group Debate.

Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between a Purse and a Suitcase--Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.

Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5
Curling Irons--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Bathroom Cabinet?
Examples on Video.

Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
At 7:00 PM

Class 6
How to Ask Questions During Commercials and Be Quiet During the Program
Help Line Support and Support Groups.

Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7
Can a Bath Be Taken Without 14 Different Kinds of Soaps and Shampoos?
Open Forum
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

Class 8
Health Watch--They Make Medicine for PMS - USE IT!

Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 9
I Was Wrong and He Was Right!--Real Life Testimonials.

Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.

Class 10
How to Parallel Park In Less Than 20 Minutes Without an Insurance Claim.
Driving Simulations.

4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

Class 11
Learning to Live--How to Apply Brakes Without Throwing Passengers Through the Windshield
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

Class 12
How to Shop by Yourself.

Meets 4 wks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.

Send this to all your guy friends for the best chuckle of their day ....

And to all your gal friends who have a sense of humor.


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