Hi Alain -
This forum has certainly promoted discourse on the subject of respect! Kudos to you for creating it!
I have often found that although most people believe respect is very important in relationships, yet they often do not have a "road map" to follow in fostering respect. I thought I might share a simple, 6 step strategy that I have used when facilitating leadership training on the subject of promoting respect. This is typically used in the workplace, but I believe it can be adapted to everyday life.
1. Use laughter - laughter promotes relaxation, which enables open communication. Use patience and try to laugh at common experiences, avoiding issues that are offensive. Humor can take the "edge" out of conversations.
2. Respect requires honesty - although at times the truth may be uncomfortable in the telling, be honest and be diplomatic. Never judge the person or their feelings. If you approach every situation with honesty, even when not "convenient" to do so, you will garner the respect of others.
3. Listen - the most important part of communication is listening.... whether or not you agree with what is being said, be courteous and listen attentively. You will not foster mutual respect by always having the "last word" or by interrupting. Even if you disagree with the point at hand, wait until the person speaking has finished. Then, make any contrary opinion in a courteous manner, using diplomacy and tact. Remember, especially when it is a "touchy" subject, it took courage for the person to speak to you. Thank them for trusting & respecting you enough to share their ideas or feelings.
4. Have patience - this is one of the hardest areas for people to master. It takes a great amount of selflessness to adjust our own agenda to wait for others. Not everyone walks to the beat of the same drummer. Your time line may not be realistic for someone else. Having the patience (selflessness) to re-adjust your schedule or agenda will help to promote mutual respect, provided it is done with sincerity.
5. Make time - it is easier to set aside a part of our busy day for those we get along well with, but always seems more burdensome when there is a personality clash or general dislike. In our lives, we have all had to deal with people that we would prefer not to. When this is necessary, do you provide this person with the same amount of time that you'd allow for someone you like? For most people, the answer is no... they "rush" to end the discourse as quickly as possible. If you want to encourage mutual respect with people you don't particularly get along with, then you are going to have to spend some time with them. Who knows, once you get past that "bad first impression" or behind "their wall", you may find someone that's more pleasant than you originally thought possible.
AND lastly
6. Agree to disagree - not everyone has to be of the same mind, with the same beliefs, nor the same dreams. How boring this world would be if we were all carbon-copies of each other. Celebrate the diversity we have, realize that no two people are exactly alike (even twins have arguments), and that we can agree that we will not agree on every issue. Even when in disagreement, make the attempt to empathize and view the issue through someone else's paradigm. You can "understand" their viewpoint without accepting it as your own. Mutual respect requires an acknowledgement of our diversity.
Well, that's the end of my dissertation, LOL... I often get a bit carried away when it is a topic that I have strong feelings about. My apologies for the wordiness, but I truly believe that without mutual respect, differences can't be bridged... open,courteous discourse, without judgement, is what will pave the road for the betterment of mankind....
Hugs always,
JeanMarie
