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Phillip Black

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Re: Joke of the Day
2/12/2008 1:14:31 PM

Hi Michael,

Thanks for the trip down memory lane.  I can indeed remember how hard it was back then, but then again, it was even rougher back when I was a wee lad.

You see, Michael, I'm sure I've got you by a few years.  How old am I you might ask?  Let me give you a few hints.

I'm so old, my social security number is 1!

My Birthstone's Lava.

I'm so old, my birth certificate says expired on it.

In fact, my birth certificate is written in Roman numerals.

On the day I was born, the Dead Sea had just gotten sick.

Back when I was in school, there was no history class.  We were living it.

The theme of our Senior Prom was Fire.

When I ran the 100 yard dash in school, they timed me with a sundial.

I've got a picture of Moses in my yearbook, matter of fact, I think I still owe him a dollar.

And to top it all off

I knew the Burger King while he was still only a Prince.

As I said, thanks for the memories and the smiles.

Have A Happy Day,

Phil


 

“There may be trouble all around, but I am calling you to a place of peace. Be still and know that I am God. Come to Me, and I will give you wisdom, strength, and grace for everything you face." Psalm 46:10
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Kathleen Vanbeekom

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Re: Joke of the Day
2/12/2008 1:40:11 PM
I remember before cable, we had 6 channels and 3 of them were fuzzy so someone would have to get up and hold the rabbit ears.  Our parents didnt even buy Jiffy Pop, we actually made popcorn by shaking it in a pot.  Old school!  The phone was in the hallway, it had a long cord and my sisters would take the phone to their room and close the door with the cord stretched all the way back to the hall wall.
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Jo
Jo Matthias

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Re: Joke of the Day
2/17/2008 10:27:42 AM

Hello Michael,

I can relate to that!!!    Thanks for the laugh!!!

VOTE!!!! POTM!!!
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Carol Carr

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Re: Joke of the Day
3/18/2008 6:13:02 AM
 

Too Funny - Visit to a Public Bathroom


 
When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place. Once it's your turn, you check for feet under the stall doors. Every stall is occupied.

Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall.
You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter, the wait has been so long you are about to wet your pants! The dispenser for the modern 'seat covers' (invented by someone's Mom, no doubt) is handy, but empty. You would hang your purse on the door hook, if there was one, but there isn't - so you carefully, but quickly drape it around your neck, (Mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR!), yank down your pants, and assume ' The Stance.'

In this position your aging, toneless thigh muscles begin to shake. You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold 'The Stance.'

To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you can hear your mother's voice saying, 'Honey, if you had tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!' Your thighs shake more.

You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday - the one that's still in your purse. (Oh yeah, the purse around your neck, that now, you have to hold up trying not to strangle yourself at the same time). That would have to do. You crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It's still smaller than your thumbnail

Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn't work. The door hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest, and you and your purse topple backward against the tank of the toilet. 'Occupied!' you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose your footing altogether, and slide down directly onto the TOILET SEAT . It is wet of course. You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late. Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper - not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try. You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew, because, you're certain her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly, dear, 'You just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you could get.'

By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose against the inside of the bowl that sprays a fine mist of water that covers your butt and runs down your legs and into your shoes. The flush somehow sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too.

At this point, you give up. You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat. You're exhausted. You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks.

You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of women still waiting.

You are no longer able to smile politely to them. A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. (Where was that when you NEEDED it??) You yank the pape r from your shoe, plunk it in the woman's hand and tell her warmly, 'Here, you just might need this.'

As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used, and left the men's restroom. Annoyed, he asks, 'What took you so long, and why is your purse hanging around your neck?'

This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with a public restrooms (rest??? you've GOT to be kidding!!). It finally explains to the men what really does take us so long. It also answers their other commonly asked questions about why women go to the restroom in pairs. It's so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto your purse and hand you Kleenex under the door!

This HAD to be written by a woman! No one else could describe it so accurately!

Send this to all women that need a good laugh AND, don't forget to have a mammogram!!!!!! It could save your life!

A Friend Is Like A Good Bra...
Hard to Find
Supportive
Comfortable
Always Lifts You Up
Never Lets You Down or Leaves You Hanging
And Is Always Close To Your Heart!!!

Share this with a friend!
I Just Did!

To Our Success ! Carol Carr Team Leader http://globalunitedclub.com/videopage.html
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