Too Funny - Visit to a Public Bathroom
When you have to visit a public bathroom,
you usually find a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place.
Once it's your turn, you check for feet under the stall doors. Every stall is
occupied.
Finally, a door opens and you dash in,
nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall.
You get in to find the
door won't latch. It doesn't matter, the wait has been so long you are about to
wet your pants! The dispenser for the modern 'seat covers' (invented by
someone's Mom, no doubt) is handy, but empty. You would hang your purse on the
door hook, if there was one, but there isn't - so you carefully, but quickly
drape it around your neck, (Mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on
the FLOOR!), yank down your pants,
and assume ' The Stance.'
In this position your
aging, toneless thigh muscles begin to shake. You'd love to sit down, but you
certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you
hold 'The Stance.'
To take your mind off
your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet
paper dispenser. In your mind, you can hear your mother's voice saying, 'Honey,
if you had tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet
paper!' Your thighs shake more.
You remember the tiny
tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday - the one that's still in your
purse. (Oh yeah, the purse around your neck, that now, you have to hold up
trying not to strangle yourself at the same time). That would have to do. You
crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It's still smaller than your
thumbnail
Someone pushes your door
open because the latch doesn't work. The door hits your purse, which is hanging
around your neck in front of your chest, and you and your purse topple backward
against the tank of the toilet. 'Occupied!' you scream, as you reach for the
door, dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor,
lose your footing altogether, and slide down directly onto the
TOILET SEAT
. It is wet of course.
You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late. Your bare bottom has made
contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat because
YOU never laid down toilet paper - not that there was any, even if you had taken
time to try. You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew,
because, you're certain her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat
because, frankly, dear, 'You just don't KNOW what kind of diseases
you could get.'
By this time, the
automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes,
propelling a stream of water like a fire hose against the inside of the bowl
that sprays a fine mist of water that covers your butt and runs down your legs
and into your shoes. The flush somehow sucks everything down with such force
that you grab onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in
too.
At this point, you give
up. You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat. You're
exhausted. You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket and then
slink out inconspicuously to the sinks.
You can't figure out how
to operate the faucets with the automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands with
spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of women still
waiting.
You are no longer able
to smile politely to them. A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a
piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. (Where was that when you
NEEDED
it??) You yank the pape
r from your shoe, plunk it in the woman's hand and tell her warmly, 'Here, you
just might need this.'
As you exit, you spot
your hubby, who has long since entered, used, and left the men's restroom.
Annoyed, he asks, 'What took you so long, and why is your purse hanging around
your neck?'
This is dedicated to
women everywhere who deal with a public restrooms (rest??? you've GOT to be
kidding!!). It finally explains to the men what really does take us so long. It
also answers their other commonly asked questions about why women go to the
restroom in pairs. It's so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto your purse
and hand you Kleenex under the door!
This HAD to be written
by a woman! No one else could describe it so accurately!
Send this to all women
that need a good laugh AND, don't forget to have a mammogram!!!!!! It could save
your life!
A Friend Is Like A
Good Bra...
Hard to
Find
Supportive
Comfortable
Always Lifts You Up
Never Lets You Down or
Leaves You Hanging
And Is Always Close To
Your Heart!!!
Share this with a
friend!
I Just
Did!