Woman are smart - nice topic, dear Nick ;-)
A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says,
"I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir."
The driver says, "Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at
60 perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating.
Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: "Now don't be
silly dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control."
As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at
his wife and growls, "Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?"
The wife smiles demurely and says, "You should be thankful
your radar detector went off when it did."
As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal
radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched
teeth, "Darn it, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?"
The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you're not
wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine."
The driver says, "Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on,
but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my
back pocket."
The wife says, "Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't
have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving."
And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the
driver turns to his wife and barks, "WHY DON'T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??"
The officer looks over at the woman and asks, "Does your
husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?"
"Only when he's been drinking."
Once
upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After a perfect
courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was, of
course, perfect.
One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this
perfect couple was driving their perfect car along a winding road, when
they noticed someone at the side of the road in distress.
Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help.
There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to
disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple
loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle.
Soon they were driving along delivering the toys. Unfortunately, the
driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple; and Santa Claus
had an accident.
Only one of them survived the accident.
Question: Who was the survivor?
Answer:
The perfect woman survived. She's the only one who really existed in
the first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no
such thing as a perfect man!
**** Women stop reading here, that is the end of the joke.
**** Men keep scrolling.
So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the woman must have
been driving. This explains why there was a car accident.
**** Men Keep scrolling
By the way, if you're a woman and you're still reading, this
illustrates another point: Women never listen! ;-)