Hey Phil,
Really enjoyed your post, especially the Redneck Love Poem. LOL. Here's one for you.
Arkansas State Residency Application
ARKANSAS STATE RESIDENCY APPLICATION
Name:(_) Billy-Bob (last) (_) Billy-Joe (_) Billy-Ray (_) Billy-Sue (_) Billy-Mae (_) Billy-Jack (_) Billy-Jefferson (Check appropriate box)
Age: ____ Sex: ____ M _____ F _____ N/A
Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right
Occupation: (_)Farmer (_)Mechanic (_)Hair Dresser (_)Unemployed
Spouse's Name: __________________________
Relationship with spouse: (_) Sister (_) Brother (_) Aunt (_) Uncle (_) Cousin (_) Mother (_) Father (_) Son (_) Daughter (_) Pet
Number of children living in household: ___ Number that are yours: ___
Mother's Name: _______________________ Father's Name: _______________________ (If not sure, leave blank)
Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)
Do you (_)own or (_)rent your mobile home? (Check appropriate box)
___ Total number of vehicles you own ___ Number of vehicles that still crank ___ Number of vehicles in front yard ___ Number of vehicles in back yard ___ Number of vehicles on cement blocks
Firearms you own and where you keep them: ____ truck ____ bedroom ____ bathroom ____ kitchen ____ shed
Model and year of your pickup: ___________194_
Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to: (_)The National Enquirer (_)The Globe (_)TV Guide (_)Soap Opera Digest
___ Number of times you've seen a UFO ___ Number of times you've seen Elvis ___ Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO
How often do you bathe: (_)Weekly (_)Monthly (_)Not Applicable
Color of teeth: (_)Yellow (_)Brownish-Yellow (_)Brown (_)Black (_)N/A
Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer: (_)Red-Man
How far is your home from a paved road? (_)1 mile (_)2 miles (_)don't know
Redneck: French Fries
There was once a sheep farmer who had a French farmhand working with him to help castrate his sheep.
As the farmer castrated the first sheep, the French farmhand took the parts and was about to throw them into the trash.
"No!" yelled the farmer, "Don't throw those away! My wife fries them up, and we eat them, they're delicious! They're called Sheep Fries!"
The farmhand saved the parts and took them to the farmer's wife who cooked them up for supper. This went on for three days....and each evening they had Sheep Fries for supper.
On the fourth night the farmer came in to the house for supper.
He asked his wife where the farmhand was, and she replied, "It's the strangest thing! When he came in and asked what was for supper, I told him French Fries, and he ran like hell!"
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