Hi Branka,

Your forum is such a winner.  I am so happy for you.  I have been back periodically and just not posting.  A couple of times I really wasn't sure why, but Sarah's post made me stick around this time.  Ana and Joe have mad great contributions today too. 

Joe, I am not surprised at all that you have made some great choices.  I think you live today, not yesterday and move forward.  You are here and here now, and I admire the communion you have with all people because of that.

Sarah, your post hit home hard with me.  I had to scroll the screen up to make sure I hadn't written it!!  I am the product of my parents and wow the similarities.  The only thing is that I hardly remember that anymore.  Guess the years between us could be the difference.  I lost my mom last year, and it wasn't until the last 10 years of her life that I finally started REALLY getting to know her and started being grateful for the person I had become partly because of her.  I started thanking God for the part of me that was a product of her and thanking him too for the part that was not. 

I don' t know if I am making sense.  I too am tired and probably should have saved this for a more wide awake time, but it would not have been the same!!

As I was reading through your post that sense of overwhelming gratitude that I was able to turn my mom's negatives into postivies and look into who she really was.   A better word for it would be acceptance.  Acceptance of who she was, after all who was I to judge.  It's great to get smacked with all of that once in a while lest I start to take for granted who I am today.

This conversation should continue, but Branka is always admiring the way I keep things simple.  So I best quit now while it's not so complicated.

Blessings all!!

Judy

 

 

 

Hello Branka, Judy et al,

Well, thank you for your comments.  The subject and Branka's first post hit hard when I first read it yesterday afternoon.  I had to go away and come back later.

I think it hit me harder because it was actually my birthday.  I'd had a lovely relaxing, sharing day with my family, BBQ cooked and prepared by hubby, no. 3 son and the twins, chocolate fudge cake prepared by the twins, homemade cards from all the 4 girls, even little Isabelle.  I'd even managed to sit in the sun for an hour, writing.  I'd had a mental chat to Daddy.......

Then I came back to your forum discussion and let out some of what is in my heart. You are right Judy.  I am grateful for being able to turn the negatives into positives and for the part of me that came from her (I wouldn't be who I am), and I do forget, as you put it.

Acceptance is a good word, you are right. However there are times when I get a reminder, as happened last week when she wrote me a letter.  I was out of sorts for the whole day as the letter had upset me, but I managed to push it out of my mind and carry on with my life and being me. She is who she is and I am who I am. Acceptance. That letter did make me come to some decisions about how I will behave toward my children and how I will communicate with them in a positive way.  Therefore I chose to not dwell on the negative and produce something positive out of the experience.

I must go now but I'll be back...........

Best wishes,

Sarah

Hi Sarah, et al!!

I admire your fortitude.  Saying it and actually doing it become 2 separate issues.  You could say "it took PRACTICE".  There were times like the letter you received last week for me too, right up until the time she passed, and it just seemed to get easier and easier to accept and know that the discord I was feeling was temporary sayng "this too shall pass". 

I miss her now.  She became a good friend in many ways, and there were things about her and her life- her parents, and her upbringing -that I would never have known.  These were the very things that helped me to understand who SHE was as well as why she was like she was.  She was very much a product of her parents and she never did what you and I have done. 

Branka,  your forum continues to open eyes and hearts.  Bless you my friend.

Hugs

Judy

Hello Dimitra and dear friends,

Respecting eveyone's view on rearing, controlling children etc., I wish to place my own views and mode of looking after them.

1. Mother is the first teacher to the child. The children becomes as his/her parents' guidance, right from childhood to adulthood.

As quoted in VEDA;

MATHRU DEVO BHAVA!!!

PITHRU DEVO BHAVA!!!

ACHARYA DEVO BHAVA!!!

ADITI DEVO BHAVA!!!

Offering prayers to Mother, Father, Teacher and God respectivley.....as without offering their TRUE LOVE AND RESPECT TO THEM WITH DUE PRAYERS, ONE IS NOT A FULLY DEVELOPED CHILD OF GOD. THEIR GUIDANCE IS MOST ESSENTIAL FOR EVERYONE UNTIL ONE DEPART THIS WORLD TO THE NEXT WORLD.

2. They are also assisted/guided/influenced by other environmental places like, their own neighbourhood, schools, college, place of work etc.,.

3. Besides the above, they do watch, TV and other medias available today, according to their likings, own friends likes and dislikes, over which with a GOOD parental control, to a certain extent, might also help in developing their children as good citizens of the country.

4. NO one should be left on their own, as it may not be possible to develop as a good individual by one's own thinking. They must take the suggestions and guidance of good parents and many others like, teachers, good friends, religious spiritual masters to their own or parents choice, until one is fully developed to be on their own, without anybodyelse guidance further either in the material or spiritual world of today.

5. As I mentioned above, when you read them, you may agree or disagree for some reason or the other, I know. Well if you like, you shall take it with good care, otherwise, you may please leave it for your own decision, since I feel that I too should not influence anybody.  As Swami Vivekananda, rightly pointed out that after the children are tought about the religion or religious practices or his own teachings, the children must be left on their own to let them think and react in their own way. Thereby, their brain develops individually well and faster, I think.

May God bless and guide the children with His grace and love for ever!!!

FAMILY THAT PRAYS TOGETHER STAYS TOGETHER!!!!

With Love and Peace to all

Rajaram S.K.

 

 

Hi Judy

Thanks for such beautiful simplifying the topic and bringing out it's nucleus.

I agree with you up the last word.Just I would that it is easy to criticize without wearing someone's boots.

Zvonimir Rakigjija

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http://www.zvorak.net