"Would you mind telling me, Doctor," Bob asked ...

... "how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?"

"Nothing is easier," he replied. "You ask him a simple question which everyone should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates, that puts you on the track."

"What sort of question?"

"Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?'

Bob thought for a moment, and then said with a nervous laugh, "You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history."

A husband and wife were going away for a long weekend.

They made sure the parrot's cage was well watered and seeded and there was enough food left outside for their cat, because if they left her inside, she would try to get at the bird.

The taxi they were taking to the airport arrived, and as they left the house with their luggage the cat streaked inside.

"Darn," said the man, "you wait for me, I won't be a minute." He went back in, chased the cat around the family room before it headed up the stairs to the bedroom.

His wife got in the taxi and noticed the driver was a rather unsavoury looking character, so rather than let him know the house was going to be empty for a few days, she said "My husband won't be a minute, he's just seeing that his elderly mother is comfortable."

A few minutes later he got into the taxi and said "I had to push her out from under the bed with a coat hanger. Well, her claws are so sharp I finally had to wrap a towel around her before throwing her into the backyard."

The taxi driver ran into a parked car.

One recent Sunday, a young boy arrived to his Sunday school class late. His teacher knew that the boy was usually very prompt and asked him if anything was wrong.

The boy replied no, that he was going to go fishing, but that his dad told him that he needed to go to church instead. The teacher was very impressed and asked the boy if his father had explained to him why it was more important to go to church rather than to go fishing.

To which the boy replied, "Yes, ma'am, he did. My dad said that he didn't have enough bait for both of us."

A customer at Green's Gourmet Grocery marveled at the proprietor's quick wit and intelligence.

"Tell me, Green, what makes you so smart?"

"I wouldn't share my secret with just anyone," Green replies, lowering his voice so the other shoppers won't hear. "But since you're a good and faithful customer, I'll let you in on it. Fish heads. You eat enough of them, you'll be positively brilliant."

"You sell them here?" the customer asks.

"Only $5 each," says Green.

The customer buys three. A week later, he's back in the store complaining that the fish heads were disgusting and he isn't any smarter.

"You didn't eat enough," says Green. The customer goes home with 20 more fish heads. Two weeks later, he's back and this time he's really angry.

"Hey, Green," he says, "You're selling me fish heads for $5 apiece when I can buy the whole fish for $3. You're ripping me off!"

"You see?" says Green. "You're smarter already."