Hello Jonathan,
I am sorry to hear you are going through such a trial right now.
Please don't be so hard on yourself. Depression is an illness and I am sure your doctor will find the medication that will help you. So many times it is trial and error until they find something that works.
And please don't feel that you are a burden to anybody.
People tend to stigmatize depression as something being wrong with its victim. In fact, we, ourselves, tend to think that way also. We almost feel guilty for the depression. Depression is an illness, just as, say, diabetes is. It needs to be treated. Are you going to therapy with regard to your OCD?
You will get better. Try and not be so hard on yourself and for now, just accept the OCD. Frustration and anger, or rage as you described it, will just make everything worse. Love yourself as you are. Once you do that, you will notice things will go better. You will be able to work with things in a calm frame of mind.
Things will get better Jonathan, the medical field has come a long way.
In the meantime, I wish you a wonderful day tomorrow. I will pray for you.
Kindest regards,
Luella May and John Elliott, aka Oaky Wood
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