Yes I tend to agree with most of what you have said Christina. But I can say I triedv to do away with myself 5 times not that terribly long ago.
The doctors told my Sister in law if I had taken 20 of the tablets I had in my posession at the time I would have been Dead. Little did they know I had taken 7 of each and here I am. Mind you I lost 2 days of my live that I cant remember.
I had real bad Panic Attacks and lived and worked with 4 hours sleep a day and and it got to me in the end. I will not say about the other 4 time except the last time which was 2 years ago I took a mix of anti panic attack meds and valium and antidepressents and to top that off heart beta blockers, a total of 80 tablets and 6 hours later I drove the car home.
Few people understand mental illness but one thing I have found is there are some wonderful gifted people on this earth weho suffer, often in silence with their conditions and often friend and family just do not want to know.
That website I posted further back , infact all the pages in that site hosted from members.dodo.com.au I did that all including the music when I got a grip on my live and decided I needed to work hard and getting back to what
is classed as normal. But there again, what is normal. I slowly took myself off the 5 different medications that I was on and now take only Avanza every second night or if I dont I dont sleep. I faced my panic attacks in the end by not running and hiding but doing everthing that could cause them such as going into shopping malls with lots of people etc and always having an eye on an exit just incase.
Some people I know of just stay home and never go out as they live in fear of the illness they have happening if they leave the home. Sad really.
What really got me going was deciding I want to paint, so I will.
I want to make music, So I will.
And I want to get my faith back in God. So I did.
It took time but it worked in the end.
I wish you all the best with your issues Christina and if you are ever on msn or yahoo just send me a private message and I will add you and give you my IDs for those messengers, if you wish to Talk.
God Bless.
Keith.

Wow, 80 pills of that mixture, with my height and body type i would have been dead.

See that's what i am talking about! If people can get the courage to confront their "demons" and do everything which scares them (like you did) you eventually come to find yourself. The person that's been hiding for so many years. I am sooooo glad you are on the right track now.

I've tried killing myself at least 12 times, and here i am today. I've never been hospitalized. My life began to turn around in March, this march. Why? Becuase of one friend, my S.O. who stuck by me. Made me see the good in my self, and reminded me everyday. She crushed all the pills in the house, hid my regular medication, and hid the knives.

My wake up call truly came in March when i had to takea friend to the hospital for overdose. he wasa cutter too, only i didn't know how bad till they took his shirt off him. A body full of scars, so much pain, and anger into it. Long cuts. Some as long as his arm. And watching him delerious and sweating and shaking made me realize that ifi didn't shape up i'd be hurting so many people around me that i care about. I havent' cut since, and while i stil have issues with small overdoses, i know i will never try to kill myself again. OR so i keep telling myself. I also realized that i was in school for all the wrong reasons. Because that's what everyone else was doign adn that that is what people wanted for me. There intentions were good, but after failure after failure, it gets to you. But that's not what made me drop. I dropped it for abit beucase i hoenstly had no idea what i was going to school for. I had/have little if no idea what to go to school for. I know english and photography now. I foudn that out after embracing my passions. Go after it with force. I have done alot of impulsive things and just yesterday when i went to phychiatrist she asked "have you done anything implusive?" I said "Doesnt everyoen do soemthing inpulsive everyday? you go to work oyu eat or choose not eat. everyday you act on impulse."

anyhow, if a 13 yearold, can learn what i know now, can have that person i so deperately needed(someone other than my mom who just didn't seem to understand) some to look up to beucase they've experienced it to, it makes them feel not so alone. I had no idea anyone else cut themselves. I though i was aloen in my horrid ways. But I wasn't, there is a whole world out there of it. I want to help those people who feel so alone, so afraid to go out.

Smiles from Me to You.
Keith.

I wish to be a phychologist when and if ever i go back to school.I will not be one of those phychologist ive had that just say"what brings you here" no, I will be telling my story and what made me want to help people. It will make them feel as if they too, can conquer there fears.

 

Why the smiles? ;)

Do you have like lower university where you live.
We have TAFE here where you can do Cert111 in all normal school studies and also Community Services Courses.
That another thing I did as I went and did all my Schooling in maths, english etc and counselling etc. This year I have almost completed Cert111 in Community Services for working with people who have Disabilities. I just have to finish off next year in field work to complete the course. I think that if a person has disabilities then they have a much better understanding that people who just go and study with text books and become social workers, phychologists etc. So you would be able to be a fantastic phychologist as you would understand those who have similar disabilities.
Go for It.
keith.