Hello Jackie,
I am a bit taken back from the timing of your invitation...allow me to explain.
I am 44 years young and for quite a while now (probably years) I have had this longingness to know more about God and what it all means. I just never acted on it. I was not brought up in a "religious" home, as we did not regularly attend church. However, we did seem to automatically believe in God. What did that mean to me growing up, I really do not know. My father was raised in the Catholic Church, as my husband. For their own reasons they did not pursue the church life.
During this past year, my desire to find a church and get to know more about God has been forefront in my mind....still putting off the work involved to get some answers. Until yesterday, September 6, 2006. Here is where I will explain my initial comment.
I made an appointment to speak with a Pastor at a local church. I wanted to simply visit, listen to what he would say about his church and then perhaps visit another church another day. Keep in mind, I have not attended church in over 20+ years, Love God of course (what I knew of him) but still had not attended for that long. The Pastor that I had set the appointment with yesterday was not able to be at our appointment as he had something come up that called him to another city. Well, this I felt could be my opportunity to go home, as this appointment was not meant to be. But, not so quickly I would leave as the Secretary said, BUT Pastor Steve will be very happy to visit wtih you. So, I'm here...I waited.
Pastor Steve came out to greet me, as I expected he would, with a pleasured smile on his face. We sat in his office and he began to ask me a few general questions. He believed I was there to learn a bit more about their church and thought he could answer a few questions for me. Little did he know that my main reason, initially, for wanting to meet with the other Pastor was he came highly recommended for counseling. I wanted to visit with him about my life, marriage, happiness, sadness, raising children, having no time, raising my child properly, having a happy marriage AND ALL THE ABOVE. But as I sat there listening and sharing a bit with Pastor Steve I could not say what I THOUGHT I was there to say. I could not say that I was there to try and resolve my own "human problems". What I was drawn to talk about was nothing about my "family" life it was all about MY LIFE and MY LIFE without knowing God. The conversation was going solely to my relationship or lack of relationship with God and where I was with it all at this time in my life. I had no idea what would be coming next.
Pastor Steve asked me a very tough question. You will probably think this is not a tough question, but for the spiritually challenged, it was tough...until.
Pastor Steve asked me this..."If you were to die, God forbid, and you found yourself standing in front of God and he was to ask you Why should I allow you into Heaven?" How would you reply? WOW, I started to speak....but could not find the right words to articulate what I thought I wanted to say. I babbled out a comment like ....Well - I believe I am a good person...I do my best to not hurt anyone - BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH. I could not answer the question in any way that made sense. Pastor Steve proceeded to share with me SO MUCH that I was really getting it....I WAS GETTING IT.
All of this time...all of these years I have been doing it all alone. He proceeded to give me a couple of examples that you probably have heard, so I won't go into it, but what he was sayd really made sense. I CANNOT DO IT ALONE. I am not perfect and never will be, but I will live my life as an example to be the best I can be...There is absolutely NOTHING I CAN DO to do it perfectly, but I can ask God for help. God is there for me, always has been and always will be. I just was not letting him in.
YESTERDAY, at the age of 44, on September 6, 2006 I learned the answer to the question. IFor the first time IN MY LIFLE...I prayed with Pastor Steve for God to forgive my sins and to lead my life in the direction it is mean to go. If God were to ask me why I should be allowed to join him in Heaven - I KNOW the answer!!! I have accepted Jesus as my Saviour and have turned my life over to God as I need him and cannot live the life I want to live without him. I am beginning my lessons with Pastor Steve and I know with the help of God I will live the life I am meant to live. I will help my 4 year old son live the ilfe he is meant to live. Cody will be attending church with me and learn early to put his trust in God. As Pastor Steve said to me, we are all a work in progress and it will take time, perhaps a long time. But I know now - my life has a new driver!
THANK YOU WITH ALL OF MY HEAR JACKIE for presenting this very special Forum TODAY. For me, the timing of this posts and the words all of you have written in response is a HUGE sign to me that I have found Him. God, take the wheel!
Your grateful friend,
Linda Welk
P.S. I apologize for the length of my post - I just couldn't stop writing until I got it all out.