Newspaper Errors

A newspaper is a daily marvel, even a miracle. Limitless possibilities exist for error, human and mechanical. Add the crushing pressure of deadlines, and it's surprising there aren't more mistakes. When goofs do occur, editors scurry to print corrections, even though we often prefer the misprint to the corrected version. Here just a few samples: 

1. IMPORTANT NOTICE: If you are one of hundreds of

parachuting enthusiasts who bought our Easy Sky Diving book,

please make the following correction: on page 8, line 7, the

words "state zip code" should have read "pull rip cord."

2. It was incorrectly reported last Friday that today is

T-shirt Appreciation Day. In fact, it is actually Teacher

Appreciation Day.

3. There was a mistake in an item sent in two weeks ago

which stated that Ed Burnham entertained a party at crap

shooting. It should have been trap shooting.

4.From a California bar association's newsletter: Correction

-- the following typo appeared in our last bulletin: "Lunch

will be gin at 12:15 p.m." Please orrect to read "12 noon."

5. We apologize to our readers who received, through an

unfortunate computer error, the chest measurements of

members of the Female Wrestlers Association instead of the

figures on the sales of soybeans to foreign countries.

6. In Frank Washburn's March column, Rebecca Varney was

erroneously identified as a bookmaker. She is a typesetter.

7. There are two important corrections to the information in

the update on our Deep Relaxation professional development

program. First, the program will include meditation, not

medication. Second, it is experiential, not experimental.

8. Our article about Jewish burial customs contained an

error: Mourners' clothing is rent -- that is, torn -- not

rented.

9. In the City Beat section of Friday's paper, firefighter

Dwight Brady was misidentified. His nickname in the

department is "Dewey." Another firefighter is nicknamed

"Weirdo." We apologize for our mistake.

10. Just to keep the record straight, it was the famous

Whistler's Mother, not Hitler's, that was exhibited. There

is nothing to be gained in trying to explain how this error

occurred.

11. Our newspaper carried the notice last week that Mr.

Oscar Hoffnagle is a defective on the police force. This was

a typographical error. Mr. Hoffnagle is, of course, a

detective on the police farce.

12. Yesterday we mistakenly reported that a talk was given

by a bottle-scared hero. We apologize for the error. We

obviously meant that the talk was given by a battle-scarred

hero.

13. In a recent edition, we referred to the chairman of

Chrysler Corporation as Lee Iacoocoo. His real name is Lee

Iacacca. The Gazette regrets the error.

14. Apology: I originally wrote, "Woodrow Wilson's wife

grazed sheep on front lawn of the White House." I'm sorry

that typesetting inadvertently left out the word "sheep."

15. In one edition of today's Food Section, an inaccurate

number of jalapeno peppers was given for Jeanette Crowley's

Southwestern chicken salad recipe. The recipe should call

for two, not 21, jalapeno peppers.

16. The marriage of Miss Freda VanAmburg and Willie Branton,

which was announced in this paper a few weeks ago, was a

mistake which we wish to correct.

Have A Wonderful Week,

Phil

A wise old gentleman retired and purchased a modest home near a junior high school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace and contentment. Then a new school year began. The very next afternoon three young boys, full of youthful, after-school enthusiasm, came down his street, beating merrily on every trash can they encountered. The crashing percussion continued day after day, until finally the wise old man decided it was time to take some action.

The next afternoon, he walked out to meet the young percussionists as they banged their way down the street. Stopping them, he said, "You kids are a lot of fun. I like to see you express your exuberance like that. In fact, I used to do the same thing when I was your age. Will you do me a favor? I'll give you each a dollar if you'll promise to come around every day and do your thing." The kids were elated and continued to do a bang-up job on the trash cans.

After a few days, the old-timer greeted the kids again, but this time he had a sad smile on his face.

"This recession's really putting a big dent in my income," he told them. "From now on, I'll only be able to pay you 50 cents to beat on the cans."

The noisemakers were obviously displeased, but they did accept his offer and continued their afternoon ruckus. A few days later, the wily retiree approached them again as they drummed their way down the street.

"Look," he said, "I haven't received my Social Security check yet, so I'm not going to be able to give you more than 25 cents. Will that be okay?"

"A lousy quarter?" the drum leader exclaimed. "If you think we're going to waste our time, beating these cans around for a quarter, you're nuts! No way, mister. We quit!"

And the old man enjoyed peace.

Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert after crossing into the United States, wandering aimlessly and starving. They are about to just lie down and wait for death, when all of a sudden Luis says.........

"Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon, I theenk."

"Is, Luis, eet sure smell like bacon. "

With renewed hope they struggle up the next sand dune, & there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon.

There's raw bacon, there's fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon ...

Every imaginable kind of cured pork.

"Pepe, Pepe, we ees saved! Ees a bacon tree!"

"Luis, maybe ees a meerage? We ees in the desert don't forget."

"Pepe, since when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smell like bacon...ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree!"

And with that, Luis staggers towards the tree. He gets to within 5 metres, Pepe crawling close behind, when suddenly a machine gun opens up, and Luis drops like a wet sock. Mortally wounded, he warns Pepe with his dying breath....

"Pepe... Go back man, you was right, ees not a bacon tree!"

"Luis, Luis mi amigo... what ees it? "

"Pepe.. ees not a bacon tree. Ees....

Ees.....

Ees....

Ees....

Ees...

Ees....

Ees..... a ham bush...."

Have A Happy Week,

Phil