You Might Be a Teacher 
 

You believe the playground should be equipped with a Ritalin

salt lick.

You want to slap the next person who says, "Must be nice to

work from 8 to 3:30 and have summers off."

It is difficult to name your own child because there's no

name you can come up with that doesn't bring high blood

pressure as it is uttered.

You can tell it's a full moon or if it's going to rain,

snow, hail... anything!!! without ever looking outside.

You believe, "shallow gene pool" should have its own box on

a report card.

You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone

says, "Boy, the kids sure are mellow today."

When out in public, you feel the urge to snap your fingers

at children you do not know and correct their behavior.

You have no social life between August and June.

You think people should have a government permit before

being allowed to reproduce.

You wonder how some parents MANAGED to reproduce.

You laugh uncontrollably when people refer to the staff room

as the "lounge".

You encourage an obnoxious parent to check into charter

schools or home schooling and are willing to donate the U-

HAUL boxes should they decide to move out of district.

You think caffeine should be available in intravenous form.

You can't imagine how the ACLU could think that covering

your students' chairs with Velcro and then requiring

uniforms made out of the corresponding Velcro could ever be

misunderstood by the public.

Meeting a child's parent instantly answers this question,

"Why is this kid like this?"

You would choose a mammogram over a parent conference.

You think someone should invent antibacterial pencils and

crayons... and desks and chairs for that matter!

The words "I have a college debt for this?" has ever come

out of your mouth.

You know how many days, minutes, and seconds are left in the

school year!

It was Christmas Eve. A poor old lady was sitting alone, except for her cat, in her tiny house, in front of a small fire.

Suddenly, there was a flash of light, and the old woman's good fairy appeared in the room. The old woman was astonished, but the fairy reassured her: "Don't be afraid! I am your good fairy. You are very poor, and all alone at Christmas, so I have come to grant you three wishes, to cheer you up."

The old woman was about to speak, but the fairy held up her hand. "Wait!" she said. "Before you make a wish, think carefully! You will get exactly what you wish for, and no wish can be undone!"

So the old woman sat silently, staring at the fire and thinking. Eventually, she spoke: "First", she said, "I want to be very, very wealthy." Poof! Immediately, the tiny house was packed with pots full of gold coins, and sacks of bank-notes. There was more money than anyone could spend in an entire lifetime. The old woman looked around and smiled.

She thought some more, and spoke again: "Next", she said, "I want to be young and beautiful again, like I was when I was 18." Poof! The old woman disappeared. In her place sat a beautiful young woman, with smooth, white skin and long, golden hair. The woman looked at her hands and arms, felt her hair, and smiled.

"Third", she said to the fairy, "I want you to change my cat into a handsome young prince, who will love me and take care of me all my life!" Poof! The fairy disappeared, and the cat leapt up from his place by the fire as a handsome young prince.

He reached out to the woman, pulled her to her feet, embraced her, and kissed her passionately. Then he gazed into her eyes and said: "Hah! Now you're really going to be sorry that you took me to the vet!"