Very Smart Dog
Four men were bragging about how smart their dogs are.
The first man was an engineer, the second was an accountant, the third a chemist, and the fourth was a government worker.
To show off, the engineer called to his dog. "T-Square, do your stuff." T-Square trotted over to the desk, took out some paper and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle. Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.
But the accountant said his dog could do better. He called his dog and said, "Spreadsheet, do your stuff." Spreadsheet went out into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into four equal piles of three cookies each. Everyone agreed that was good.
But the chemist said his dog could do better. He called his dog and said, "Measure, do your stuff." Measure got up, walked over to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop! Everyone agreed that was good.
Then the three men turned to the government worker, and said, "What can your dog do?"
The government worker called to his dog and said, "Coffee Break, "do your stuff." Coffee Break slowly got on his feet, ate the cookies, drank the milk, crapped on the paper, sexually assaulted the other three dogs, claimed he injured his back while doing so, filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions, put in for workers' compensation, and went home for the rest of the day on sick leave.
They all had to agree, that was the Smartest Dog in the Bunch.
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A Really Smart Dog?
I'm in the supermarket, at the butcher counter, when a dogs walks up. I figure the guy behind the counter is going to go ballistic, but instead, he asks the dog, "What'll it be today?"
The dog puts his paw on the glass in front of the lamb chops, and barks four times. So the guy starts to pull out four chops. He wraps them up and gives them to the dog, who gently takes the package in his mouth, and wags his tail, then turns to leave.
I say, "You always give away free meat to hungry dogs?" And he says, "Oh, it's not free. He's going to pay."
Well, this I got to see. So I follow the dog to the check out counter. He gets up on his hind paws and drops the package on the conveyor belt. The cashier rings it up. The dog opens a little fanny pack thing around its neck using just its mouth, and pulls out a credit card. The clerk scans it through, and then puts an ink pad and the credit slip on the floor in front of the dog, who inks up his right paw and makes its mark on the credit slip. The cashier hand the package to the dog, who happily trots out the door.
I gotta see this through to the end, so I follow the dog. It goes about two blocks away to a little house, goes up to the front door, scratches on the door, and whines and barks to be let in. A guy opens the door and immediately starts yelling at the dog.
I have to intervene. "How can you yell at this animal," I say, "it has to be the smartest dog in the world."
"Yeah? If he's so smart, why is this the third time this week he's forgotten his keys?"
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Dog walks into a bar. Well the old west Saloon in this case. He is a mangy old curr who looks really weather-beaten. Sits down at the bar and says, "Barkeep I had a rough day. Give me your best shot - make it a double!"
Bartender says, " We don't serve your kind here." And pulls out a shotgun from under the counter and shoots the dog twice in his front feet!
Without a word, the dog gets up and limps through the swinging doors and out of the Saloon.
Well the piano player resumes playing and the bar resumes with its normal rowdy drunken activity until a couple of hours later -
The swinging doors slam open. Suddenly everybody stops and looks up. Not a pin drop could be heard.
Slowly in walks a tall young muscular hound, dressed in black, brandishing two six shooters before him. "I'm lookin' ferr da MAN who SHOT my Paw!"
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