Hello My Friends,
Here's a few more Smiles to get you through the Weekend. Hope you like them...
Fashion Sense
My teenager was headed to school one morning when his Mom told him that the neck tag on his shirt was hanging out.
"I know," he replied. "It's a fad me and some of the guys started."
Weeks later, as the style persisted, she commented, "I can't stand it! Every time I see that, I want to fix it for you." With that, she gently tucked the tag in place and rumpled his hair.
"Yeah," he said smiling slyly. "All the girls do that, too."
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True Confessions of a Golfer
A man goes to the confessional. "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned."
"What is your sin, my child?" the priest asks.
"Well," the man starts, "I used some horrible language this week, and I feel absolutely terrible."
"When did you do use this awful language?" asks the priest.
"I was golfing and hit an incredible drive that looked like it was going to go over 250 yards, but it struck a phone line that was hanging over the fairway and fell straight down to the ground after going only about 100 yards."
"Is that when you swore?"
"No, Father," replies the man. "After that, a squirrel ran out of the bushes and grabbed my ball in his mouth and began to run away."
"Is THAT when you swore?" asks the priest again.
"Well, no," says the man. "You see, as the squirrel was running, an eagle came down out of the sky, grabbed the squirrel in his talons, and began to fly away!"
"Is THAT when you swore?" asks the amazed priest.
"No, not yet," the man replies. "As the eagle carried the squirrel away in his claws, it flew toward the green. And as it passed over a bit of forest near the green, the squirrel dropped my ball."
"Did you swear THEN?" asks the now impatient priest.
"No, because as the ball fell, it struck a tree, bounced through some bushes, careened off a big rock, and rolled through a sand trap onto the green and stopped within six inches of the hole."
"You missed the putt, didn't you?" sighs the priest.
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Ol' Fred
Ol' Fred had been a faithful Christian and was in the hospital, near death. The family called their preacher to stand with them.
As the preacher stood next to the bed, Ol' Fred's condition appeared to deteriorate and he motioned frantically for something to write on. The pastor lovingly handed him a pen and a piece of paper, and Ol' Fred used his last bit of energy to scribble a note, then suddenly died. The preacher thought it best not to look at the note at that time, so he placed it in his jacket pocket.
At the funeral, as he was finishing the message, he realized that he was wearing the same jacket that he was wearing when Ol' Fred died. He said, "You know, Ol' Fred handed me a note just before he died. I haven't looked at it, but knowing Fred, I'm sure there's a word of inspiration there for us all."
He opened the note and read, "Please step to your left--you're standing on my oxygen tube!"
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This is not really a Joke, but sometimes the old Memories can sure bring a Smile...
Oh, To Be a Kid Again
Decisions were made by saying "eeny-meeny-miney-mo."
Mistakes were corrected by simply exclaiming, "Do over!"
"Race issue," meant arguing about who ran the fastest.
Money issues were handled by whoever was the banker in "Monopoly."
Catching fireflies could happily occupy an entire evening.
It wasn't odd to have two or three "best" friends.
Being old referred to anyone over 20.
The worst thing you could catch from the opposite sex was cooties.
It was magic when Dad would "remove" his thumb.
It was unbelievable that dodge ball wasn't an Olympic event.
Having a weapon in school meant being caught with a slingshot.
Nobody was prettier than Mom.
Scrapes and bruises were kissed and made better.
It was a big deal to finally be tall enough to ride the "big people" rides at the amusement park.
Getting a foot of snow was a dream come true.
Abilities were discovered because of a "double-dog-dare."
Saturday morning cartoons weren't 30-minute ads for action figures.
No shopping trip was complete unless a new toy was brought home.
"Oly-oly-oxen-free" made perfect sense.
Spinning around, getting dizzy, and falling down would cause giggles.
The worst embarrassment was being picked last for a team.
War was a card game.
Water balloons were the ultimate weapon.
Baseball cards in the spokes transformed any bike into a motorcycle.
Taking drugs meant orange-flavored chewable aspirin.
Ice cream was considered a basic food group.
Older siblings were the worst tormentors but also the fiercest protectors.
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Have A Wonderful Weekend,
Phil