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Mary Evelyn 23244 5352 Strawb...	RE: Your Friday Chuckle - Every Day Of The Week 11/7/2013 7:53:50 PM
	Some of these are hilarious!!! The Modern Toolbox Hammer - In ancient times a hammer was used to inflict pain on ones enemies. Modern hammers are used to inflict pain on oneself. Screwdriver - The drink ordered at the local bar after you call in a professional repairman to undo the $500 in damage you did while trying to change out a light socket with your handy screwdriver. Phillips Screwdriver - The bar drink that you order when the damage estimate is over $1,000. Contains twice the vodka. Pliers - A device used to extend your reach the necessary few inches when you drop a one-of-a-kind screw down behind the new wall it took you two weeks to install. Multi-Pliers - Contain a handy assortment of sharp and dangerous tools. Best left in its leather sheath and worn on a homeowners belt to increase testosterone levels. Electronic Stud Finder - An annoying device that never goes off when you point it at yourself. Halogen Light - A worklight that lights up your backyard with the incandescence of a football stadium, causing you to cast a heavy shadow over the area you're working on so that you need to use a flashlight anyway. Cordless Drill - A device that lessens your chance of electrocution 90% over a standard plug-in tool. Cordless Telephone - The handyman's 911. Air Compressor - A mechanical device similar in principal to harnessing the power of your mother-in-laws nagging complaints and using the resulting airflow to blast old paint off the side of the house. Chainsaw - Allows you to cut your way out of the shed that you accidentally built completely around yourself. Vise Grips - A pair of helping hands that doesn't critique the job you're doing or offer advice.

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Mary Evelyn 23244 5352 Strawb...	RE: Your Friday Chuckle - Every Day Of The Week 11/7/2013 7:58:39 PM
	These also cracked me up when I read them. LOL!! For those unfamiliar, Welfare payments are made in the US to individuals and families with income below a certain level. The following quotations are taken from actual letters received by the Welfare Department in applications for support of receiving payments. I am forwarding my marriage certificate and 6 children. I had seven but one died which was baptized on a half sheet of paper. I am writing the welfare department to say that my baby was born two years old. When do I get my money? Mrs. Jones has not had any clothes for two years and has been visited regularly by the clergy. I cannot get sick pay. I have six children can you tell me why? I am glad to report that my husband who is missing is dead. This is my eighth child. What are you going to do about it. Please find for if my husband is dead. The man I am now living with can't do anything until he knows. I am very much annoyed to find out that you have branded my son illiterate. This is a dirty lie as I was married a week before he was born. In answer to your letter, I have given birth to a son weighing 10 lbs. I hope this is satisfactory. I am forwarding my marriage certificate and my 3 children one of which is a mistake as you can see. My husband got his project cut off about two weeks ago and I haven't had any relief since. Unless I get my husband's money pretty soon, I will be forced to lead an immortal life. You have my changed little boy to a girl, will this make any difference? I have no children yet, as my husband is a truck driver and works night and day. I want money as quick as I can get it. I have been in bed with the doctor for two weeks and he doesn't do me any good. If things don't improve, I will have to send for another doctor. In accordance with your instructions, I have given birth to twins in the enclosed envelope.

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Peter 1470 7259 Lod	RE: Your Friday Chuckle - Every Day Of The Week 11/8/2013 10:41:27 AM
	Hi Evelyn, You beat me to the punch. I saw it and planned on posting it. It's hilarious!! Shalom, Peter Quote: This is a clip from last night's CMA awards................ Brad Paisley And Carrie Underwood sing Obamacare by morning Published on Nov 6, 2013 Brad Paisley And Carrie Underwood sing Obamacare by morning Obama Care - funny stuff! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=alUmn0JDIAI
	Peter Fogel Babylon 7
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Mr. 2205 840 Kalamazoo	RE: Your Friday Chuckle - Every Day Of The Week 11/8/2013 11:02:15 AM
	To all forum owners, please remove all images and any pages I have done of this site and for you. All my files and forums (ALP Help Center) have been deleted. The files I can't delete are still in ALP's affiliate pages and some forums that you have saved. You have two choices: One, pay for the ones you have live or delete all pages on any forum or affiliate linking you are using. I also ordered using my credits on one of the items. I will need confirmation that this was received and will be delivered. Its time to do some cleaning up around here and I am pulling all files, linking, and pages in around here. I will need to see all images paid for or remover before I go into the next step.

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Peter 1470 7259 Lod	RE: Your Friday Chuckle - Every Day Of The Week 11/8/2013 11:20:19 AM
	Hi Mark, This is coming out of left field for me. When you prepared the joke thread logo I added it to my first post in this thread and additionally posted it with a link to you (haven't got a clue on what page that is). Are you asking that I delete the add on on the front page of this thread? Just curious what happened to make you come to this decision. Shalom, Peter Quote: To all forum owners, please remove all images and any pages I have done of this site and for you. All my files and forums (ALP Help Center) have been deleted. The files I can't delete are still in ALP's affiliate pages and some forums that you have saved. You have two choices: One, pay for the ones you have live or delete all pages on any forum or affiliate linking you are using. I also ordered using my credits on one of the items. I will need confirmation that this was received and will be delivered. Its time to do some cleaning up around here and I am pulling all files, linking, and pages in around here. I will need to see all images paid for or remover before I go into the next step.
	Peter Fogel Babylon 7
	+1

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