Health News Alert:
Yesterday I was at my local Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina
dog chow for my loyal pet, Jake, the Wonder Dog and was in the
check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had an elephant?

So because I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told
her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet
again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in
the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I
awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most
of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way
that it works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets
and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is
nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it
again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line
was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the
dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stopped to pee on a fire
hydrant and a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he
was laughing so hard.

Wal-Mart won't let me shop there anymore. Better watch what you
ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think
of crazy things to say. Forward this (especially) to all your
retired friends...it will be their laugh for the day!"