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RE: Your Friday Chuckle (On Saturday - Again :) ) 5/8/09
12/23/2009 1:13:11 PM

"Also, you never will get to eat at McDonalds. I've already lost 11 pounds just running back and forth to Lowe's, Home Depot, and Costco."

A scam to take advantage of older men Peter? Sounds like a new weight loss system for men to me. :) :)

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Peter Fogel

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RE: Your Friday Chuckle (On Saturday - Again :) ) 5/8/09
12/23/2009 2:34:15 PM
Quote:

"Also, you never will get to eat at McDonalds. I've already lost 11 pounds just running back and forth to Lowe's, Home Depot, and Costco."

A scam to take advantage of older men Peter? Sounds like a new weight loss system for men to me. :) :)



That too in addition to the very cheap sex. $1.99 per wallet. :) :) What a great scam. Not sure who ended up getting scammed :) :)

Shalom,

Peter
Peter Fogel
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Peter Fogel

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RE: Your Friday Chuckle (On Saturday - Again :) ) 5/8/09
12/23/2009 4:12:00 PM
Hi All,

I gotta admit when I read this one I thought twice about posting it. Should I or shouldn't I. The Should Is won. Here goes and I guess we can all remember the days when all those memos weren't necessary.

Shalom,

Peter

Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: November 1, 2009
RE: Gala Christmas Party
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols... feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM. Exchanges of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees!
Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!
Merry Christmas to you and your family,
Patty


Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: November 5, 2009
RE: Gala Holiday Party
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on, we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians and to those still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols will be sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.
Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you and your family,
Patty

Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: November 8, 2009
RE: Holiday Party
Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this?
Somebody?
And sorry, but forget about the gift exchange, no gifts are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and the executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.
REMEMBER: NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.

Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
DATE: November 10, 2009
RE: Generic Holiday Party
What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party or else package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work?
Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet, and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms.
Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each group will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table.
To the person asking permission to cross dress, the Grill House asks that no cross-dressing be allowed, apparently because of concerns about confusion in the restrooms. Sorry.
We will have booster seats for short people.
Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet.
I am sorry to report that we cannot control the amount of salt used in the food. The Grill House suggests that people with high blood pressure taste a bite first.
There will be fresh "low sugar" fruits as dessert for diabetics, but the restaurant cannot supply "no sugar" desserts. Sorry!
Did I miss anything?!?!?
Patty

Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All F*%^ing Employees
DATE: November 15, 2009
RE: The F*%^ing Holiday Party
I've had it with you vegetarian pricks!!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your f*%^ing salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW!
The rest of you f*%^ing wierdos can kiss my *ss. I hope you all have a rotten holiday!
Drive drunk and die,
The B*tch from H*ll!!!


Company Memo
FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: November 17, 2009
RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery from her recent nervous breakdown and I'll continue to forward your cards to her at the asylum.
In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and treat December 23rd just like any other work day.
Happy Whatever!
Joan

Peter Fogel
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Peter Fogel

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RE: Your Friday Chuckle (On Saturday - Again :) ) 5/8/09
12/23/2009 5:43:49 PM
Hi All,

Sadly this is not a joke but a new reality unless the people put a stop to it.

Sorry to stray from the laughter but it is a cartoon.

Shalom,

Peter


Peter Fogel
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Phillip Black

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RE: Your Friday Chuckle (On Saturday - Again :) ) 5/8/09
12/23/2009 5:50:47 PM

Hi Peter,

From the "Kids Say The Darndest Things" department...

Kid's Letters To God

Dear GOD:
Did you mean for the giraffe to look like that or was it an accident? -Norma

Dear GOD:
Instead of letting people die and having to make new ones, why don't You just keep the ones You have now? -Jane

Dear GOD:
Who draws the lines around the countries? -Nan

Dear GOD:
I went to this wedding and they kissed right in church. Is that okay? -Neil

Dear GOD:
What does it mean You are a Jealous God? I thought You had everything. -Jane

Dear God:
Did you really mean "do unto others as they do unto you"? Because if you did, then I'm going to fix my brother! -Darla

Dear GOD:
Thank you for the baby brother, but what I prayed for was a puppy. -Joyce

Dear GOD:
It rained for our whole vacation and is my father mad! He said some things about You that people are not supposed to say, but I hope You will not hurt him anyway. Your friend. (But I am not going to tell you who I am)

Dear GOD:
Why is Sunday school on Sunday? I thought it was supposed to be our day of rest. Tom L.

Dear GOD:
Please send me a pony. I never asked for anything before, You can look it up. -Bruce

Dear GOD:
My brother is a rat. You should give him a tail. Ha ha. -Danny

Dear GOD:
Maybe Cain and Abel would not kill each other so much if they had their own rooms. It works with my brother. -Larry

Dear GOD:
I want to be just like my Daddy when I get big, but not with so much hair all over. -Sam

Dear GOD:
I think the stapler is one of your goodest inventions. Ruth M.

Dear GOD:
I bet it is very hard for You to love all of everybody in the whole world. There are only 4 people in our family and I can never do it. -Nan

Dear GOD:
If You watch me in church Sunday, I'll show You my new shoes. Mickey D.

Dear GOD:
I would like to live 900 years like the guy in the Bible. Love, Chris

Dear GOD:

We read Thomas Edison made light. But in school they said You did it. So I bet he stole your idea. Sincerely, Donna

More Relevant To Adults - God's Replies

Keep Smiling - It Drives 'Em Crazy

Have A Happy Week,

Phil

“There may be trouble all around, but I am calling you to a place of peace. Be still and know that I am God. Come to Me, and I will give you wisdom, strength, and grace for everything you face." Psalm 46:10
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