New Year's Jokes - One Liners
To kick start my New Year, I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
The trouble with jogging is that the ice falls out of your glass.
When I thought about the evils of drinking in the New Year. I gave up thinking.
Definition of a hangover: Wrath of Grapes.
Dieting - New Year's Resolutions
2008: I will get my weight down below 180 pounds.
2009: I will follow my new diet religiously until I get below 200 pounds.
2010: I will develop a realistic attitude about my weight.
2011: I will work out 3 days a week.
2012: I will try to drive past a gym at least once a week.
A New Year's Wish
On New Year's Eve, Marilyn stood up in the local pub and said that it was
time to get ready. At the stroke of midnight, she wanted every husband to
be standing next to the one person who made his life worth living.
Well, it was kind of embarrassing. As the clock struck - the bartender
was almost crushed to death.
New Year's Day Prayer for One and All
Dear Lord
So far this year I've done well.
I haven't gossiped, I haven't lost my temper, I haven't been greedy,
grumpy, nasty, selfish, or overindulgent. I'm very thankful for that. But
in a few minutes, Lord, I'm going to get out of bed, and from then on
I'm probably going to need a lot more help.
Amen
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!