Got three in today and the're getting longer as the day goes by!



A woman walks into a restaurant sat down and said to the waiter, “I’d like two pork chops, and make them lean.”
The waiter replied, “Yes, ma’am. Which way?”

===================================



A 57-year-old woman was arrested for shoplifting. When
she went before the judge he asked her, “What did you steal?”
She replied: a can of peaches.
The judge asked her why she had stolen them and she
replied that she was hungry.
The judge then asked her how many peaches were in the
can. She replied 6.
The judge then said, “I will give you 6 days in jail.”
Before the judge could actually pronounce the
punishment the woman’s husband spoke up and asked the judge
if he could say something.
He said,” What is it? “
The husband said, “She also stole a can of peas.”


====================

Life explained...



On the first day, God created the dog and said: “Sit
all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone
who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you
a life span of twenty years.”
The dog said: “That’s a long time to be barking. How
about only ten years and I’ll give you back the other
ten?”
So God agreed.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said:
“Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For
this, I’ll give you a twenty-year life span.”
The monkey said: “Monkey tricks for twenty years?
That’s a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you
back ten like the Dog did?”
And God agreed.

On the third day, God created the cow and said: “You
must go into the field with the farmer all day
long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give
milk to support the farmer’s family. For this, I will
give you a life span of sixty years.”
The cow said: “That’s kind of a tough life you want me
to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I’ll
give back the other forty?”
And God agreed again.

On the fourth day, God created man and said: “Eat,
sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I’ll
give you twenty years.”
But man said: “Only twenty years? Could you possibly
give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten
the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back;
that makes eighty, okay?”
“Okay,” said God, “You asked for it.”

So that is why the first twenty years we eat, sleep,
play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years
we slave in the sun to support our family. For the
next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the
grandchildren. And for the last ten years we sit on the
front porch and bark at everyone.

"Life has now been explained to you."

Hi All,Topics in today's show:

-- Budget deal stops government shutdown

-- Del. Holmes-Norton: shutdown like bombing civilians

-- Obama announces reelection campaign

-- If gas prices are too high, get a new car, says Obama

-- John Edwatrds suicidal?

-- Glenn Beck Show coming to an end?

-- K-Fed's girlfriend pregnant

Starring: Jodi Miller
Director: Bruce Roundtower

Hi Evelyn, Robert, Jim & All,

Hello everyone, I could not resist sharing this one......


Having arrived at the Gates of Heaven, Barrack Obama

meets a man with a beard. 'Are you Mohammed?' he asks. 'No my son, I am
St. Peter; Mohammed is higher up.' Peter then points to a ladder that
rises into the clouds .

Delighted that Mohammed should be higher than St.
Peter, Obama climbs the ladder in great strides, climbs up through the clouds
and comes into a room where he meets another bearded man. He asks
again, 'Are you Mohammed?' 'Why no he answers, I am Moses; Mohammed is higher
still .'


Exhausted, but with a heart full of joy he climbs the
ladder yet again, he discovers a larger room where he meets an angelic
looking man with a beard. Full of hope, he asks again, 'Are you
Mohammed?' 'No, I am Jesus, the Christ...you will find Mohammed
higher up. '

Higher than Jesus! Man, oh man! Obama can
hardly contain his delight and climbs and climbs ever higher. Once
again, he reaches an even larger room where he meets this truly
magnificent looking man with a silver white beard and once again
repeats his question:


"Are you Mohammed?" he gasps as he is by now, totally
out of breath from all his climbing. 'No, my son.... I am Almighty
God, the Alpha and the Omega, but you look exhausted. Would you like a
cup of coffee?"


Obama says, “Yes please”! As God looks behind him, he
claps his hands and yells out: "Hey Mohammed-two coffees!""

Keep your trust in God...your president is an idiot………