Hello again Peter and the rest of you Jokesters! lol ;-)

Thanks for the laughs!

I'm going to try to make a point of starting my days with this forum. It will help to start the day off with a good attitude.

Have a great weekend everyone!

John

Whilst I do have my opinion Peter, about vodka, … I also
have a firm insight into the world of chocolates! ;-)


Chocolate never keeps you waiting.
Chocolate doesn’t get jealous when you look at another chocolate bar.
You never have to buy a box of chocolates for a box of chocolates.
Chocolate doesn’t talk incessantly while you’re watching the football.
It doesn’t expect you to remember the anniversary of the first time you met.
Chocolate never tries to chat up your best friend.
Chocolate isn’t looking for a long term commitment.

Owed Two A Spell Cheque

Eye halve a spelling chequer,
it came with my pea sea.
It plainly marques, four my revue,
miss steaks eye kin knot sea.

Eye strike a key and type a word
and weight four it two say,
Weather eye am wrong oar write
it shows me strait a weigh.

As soon as a mist ache is maid,
it nose bee fore two long.
And eye can put the error rite
it's rare lea ever wrong.

Eye have run this poem threw it,
I am shore your pleased two no.
Its letter perfect awl the weigh,
my chequer tolled me sew.

Bill went into the mall as the wife stayed in the car ready to avert any parking tickets

10 minutes later Bill returned with the shopping and two black eyes.
“What the f… got you that?” asked the wife
“Huh!” replied Bill, “As I was waiting in the queue I noticed
That the lady in front of me had her dress caught between her buttocks”
“And…?” retorted the wife.
“I simply pulled the dress free, but the husband did not approve”.

“OK, but that accounts only for one black eye, where did you get the other one?”

Hold it….. ;-)


“Well as he did not condone to my good intentions, I kindly shoved the dress back to where it was”.

Anyone ready for a little trivia.... Don't cheat see if you can answer first before looking at the answers......Be honest.....

Trivia on Alcoholic Beverages

1. Name the Founding Father who said, "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."

2. Which alcoholic beverage was first sold when prohibition was repealed?

3. Laverne DeFazio and Shirley Feeney worked for this fictitious Milwaukee Brewery in "Laverne & Shirley."

4. Although wine is made in all 50 states, these three states account for 98 percent of U.S. wine production.

5. True or False: Botrytis cinerea is a fungus that affects many wine grapes and can ruin a vineyard crop.

6. Drinking a yard of beer is a traditional pub game. How much ale does a yard glass traditionally hold?

7. The U.S. government banned the manufacturing of this alcoholic beverage during World War II and a little beyond, from 1942 to 1946.

8. True or False: Both Johnnie Walker Scotch Whiskey and Jack Daniel's Tennessee Whiskey are named after real people.

9. What is a "dumb" wine?

10. This beer gained its name by winning a blue ribbon at the 1893 Chicago Fair.


Answers:

1. Ben Franklin spoke these words about beer.

2. Beer was legally sold on April 7, 1933, but other alcoholic beverages could not be legally purchased until Dec. 5, 1933.

3. Laverne DeFazio and Shirley Feeney worked at Shotz Brewery.

4. U.S. wine is produced in California (90 percent), New York (5 percent) and Washington (3 percent).

5. False. This is referred to as "noble rot" and affects many wine grapes. These rotted grapes are used to make sweet dessert wines.

6. A yard of ale usually contains around 2.5 imperial pints, depending upon the diameter of the glass.

7. Whiskey production was banned by the government from 1942 to 1946.

8. True. Though, Jack Daniel's founder was born as Jasper Newton "Jack" Daniel.

9. The dumb phase of a wine (generally red) is the transitional period from its youth to maturity.

10. Pabst beer won a blue ribbon at the 1893 Chicago Fair. From then on, it was called "Pabst Blue Ribbon" beer.