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Peter Fogel

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RE: Your Friday Chuckle (On Saturday - Again :) ) 5/8/09
11/18/2009 7:16:23 AM
Hi AnaMaria,

Welcome, it's good to see you here. What a moral to the above saga.

Shalom,

Peter

THIS IS WHY WE LOVE OLD PEOPLE

A farmer stopped by the local mechanic shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home.

On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem - how to carry his entire purchases home.

While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, "Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane ?"

The farmer said, "Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house I would walk you there but I can"t carry this lot."

The old lady suggested, "Why don"t you put the can of paint in the bucket. Carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?"

"Why thank you very much," he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home.

On the way he says "Let"s take my short cut and go down this alley We'll be there in no time."

The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won"t hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?"

The farmer said, "Holy smokes lady! I'm carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?"

The old lady replied, "Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens."

Peter Fogel
Babylon 7
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Peter Fogel

1470
7259 Posts
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Invite Me as a Friend
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Person Of The Week
RE: Your Friday Chuckle (On Saturday - Again :) ) 5/8/09
11/18/2009 7:25:32 AM
Hi All,

Here's another cute one for the jewelery lovers.

Shalom,

Peter

A lady walks into Tiffany's. She looks around, 
spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks
over to inspect it. As she bends over to look
more closely, she unexpectedly has to fart.

Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously
to see if anyone noticed her little oops and
prays that a sales person wasn't anywhere near.

As she turns around, her worst nightmare
materializes in the form of a salesman standing
right behind her. Good looking as well.

Cool as a cucumber, he displays all of the
qualities one would expect of a professional in
a store like Tiffany's. He politely greets the
ladywith, 'Good day, Madam.. How may we help you
today?'

Blushing & uncomfortable, but still hoping that
the salesman somehow missed her little 'incident',
she asks, 'Sir, what is the price of this lovely
bracelet?'

He answers, "Madam.. if you farted just looking at
it - you're going to
mess in your underwear when I
tell you the price .





Peter Fogel
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Ana Maria Padurean

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RE: Your Friday Chuckle (On Saturday - Again :) ) 5/8/09
11/18/2009 9:42:04 AM
Hello Joke lovers ;-)

Its great to be able to be here with you - even if only for a short while - already two days in a row ...

Great place to find a smile and have some fun!
Here is another one I've got from a very dear friend and I couldn't help not sharing it with you :-D


monkey-globe



How the world works lately...

If a man cuts his finger off while slicing salami at work, he blames the restaurant.

If you smoke three packs a day
For 40 years and die of lung cancer,
your family blames the tobacco company.

If your neighbor crashes into a tree while driving home drunk, they blame the bartender.

If your grandchildren are brats with no manners, you blame TV.

If your friend is shot by a
deranged madman, You blame the gun manufacturer.

And if a crazed person breaks into the cockpit and tries to kill the pilot at 35,000 feet, and the passengers kill him instead, the mother of the crazed deceased blames the airline.

I must have lived too long to
understand the world as it is anymore.

So, if I die while my OLD WRINKLED ASS is parked in front of this computer,
I want all of you to blame Bill Gates

senior-computer

Shared with friendship,
Anamaria

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Lia
Lia Kovacs

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RE: Your Friday Chuckle (On Saturday - Again :) ) 5/8/09
11/18/2009 11:49:09 AM

HELLO everybody!

HOW OLD IS GARNDPA?


One evening a grandson was talking to his grandfather about current events. The grandson asked his grandfather what he thought about the shootings at schools, the computer age, and just things in general.
- The Grandfather replied, "Well, let me think a minute, I was born before: television, penicillin, polio shots, frozenfoods, Xerox, contact lenses, Frisbees and the pill
- There were no: credit cards, laser beams, or ball-point pens
- Man had not invented: pantyhose, air conditioners, dishwashers, clothes dryers, and the clothes were hung out to dry in the fresh air and man hadn't yet walked on the moon
- Your Grandmother and I got married first, and then lived together.
- Every family had a father and a mother.
- Until I was 25, I called every man older than me, "Sir".
- And after I turned 25, I still called policemen and every man with a title,"Sir."
- We were before gay-rights, computer-dating, dual careers, daycare centers, and grouptherapy.
- Our lives were governed by the Ten Commandments, good judgment, and common sense.
- We were taught to know the difference between right and wrong and to stand up and take responsibility for our actions.
- Serving your country was a privilege; living in this country was a bigger privilege.
- We thought fast food was what people ate during Lent.
- Having a meaningful relationship meant getting along with your cousins.
- Draft dodgers were those who closed front doors as the evening breeze started.
- Time-sharing meant time the family spent together in the evenings and weekends - not purchasing condominiums.
- We never heard of FM radios, tape decks, CDs, electric typewriters, yogurt, orguys wearing earrings.
- We listened to Big Bands, Jack Benny, and the President's speeches on our radios.
- And I don't ever remember any kid blowing his brains out listening to Tommy Dorsey.
- If you saw anything with "Made in Japan" on it, it was junk.
- The term 'making out' referred to how you did on your school exam.
- PizzaHut, McDonald's, and instant coffee were unheard of.
- We had 5 & 10-cent stores where you could actually buy things for 5 and 10 cents.
- Ice-creamcones, phone calls, rides on a streetcar, and a Pepsi were all a nickel.
- And if you didn't want to splurge, you could spend your nickel on enough stamps to mail 1 letter and 2 postcards.
- You could buy a new Chevy Coupe for $600, but who could afford one? Too bad, because gas was 11 cents a gallon.
- In my day: "grass" was mowed, "coke" was a cold drink, "pot" was something your mother cooked in and "rock music" was your grandmother's lullaby. "Aids" were helpers in the Principal's office, "chip" meant a piece of wood, "hardware" was found in a hardware store and "software" wasn't even a word.
- And we were the last generation to actually believe that a lady needed a husband to have a baby.
- No wonder people call us "old and confused" and say there is ageneration gap and how old do you think I am?


I bet you have this old man in mind ... you are in for a shock!
Read on to see -- pretty scary if you think about itand pretty sad at the same time.

Are you ready ?????

This man would be only 61 years old.

thanks for the laughs, LIA from Oradea

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RE: Your Friday Chuckle (On Saturday - Again :) ) 5/8/09
11/18/2009 2:22:09 PM

TWENTY NINE LINES TO MAKE YOU SMILE

1
.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't.

2 .. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
3..
Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
4..
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke .
5.. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.


6..
You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me
7..
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder .
8..
Earth is the insane asylum for the universe .
9..
I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are just missing.
10..
Out of my mind. Back in five minutes .
11...
NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.
12.. God must love stupid people; He made so many.
13..
The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
14..
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
15.. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

16..
Being 'over the hill' is much better than being under it!
1 7..
Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up .
18
Procrastinate Now!
19..
I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?
20..
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
21..
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
22.. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
23..
They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken .
24
.. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD.
25..
A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.
26
.. Ham and eggs...A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.
27..
The trouble with life is there's no background music .
28..
The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.
29..
I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.

Appreciate every single thing you have, especially your friends!
Life is too short and friends are too few!

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