Hi Peter,

Speaking of a little SLOW....

The day finally arrived. Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven. He is at
the Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself. However, the gates are
closed, and Forrest approaches the gatekeeper.

St. Peter said, "Well, Forrest, it is certainly good to see you. We have
heard a lot about you. I must tell you, though, that the place is
filling
up fast, and we have been ministering an entrance examination for
everyone. The test is short, but you have to pass it before you can get
into Heaven."

Forrest responds, "It sure is good to be here, St. Peter, sir. But
nobody
ever told me about any entrance exam. I sure hope that the
test ain't too hard. Life was a big enough test as it was."

St. Peter continued, "Yes, I know, Forrest, but the test is only three
questions.

First: What two days of the week begin with the letter T?
Second: How many seconds are there in a year?
Third: What is God's first name?"

Forrest leaves to think the questions over. He returns the next day and
sees St. Peter, who waves him up, and says, "Now that you have had a
chance to think the questions over, tell me your answers."

Forrest replied, "Well, the first one -- which two days in the week
begins
with the letter "T"? Shucks, that one is easy. That would be Today and
Tomorrow."

The Saint's eyes opened wide and he exclaimed, "Forrest, that is not
what
I was thinking, but you do have a point, and I guess I did not
specify,so
I will give you credit for that answer.

How about the next one?" asked St. Peter.

"How many seconds in a year? Now that one is harder," replied Forrest,
but
I thunk and thunk about that, and I guess the only answer can be
twelve."

Astounded, St. Peter said, "Twelve? Twelve? Forrest, how in Heaven's
name
could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?"
Forrest replied, "Shucks, there's got to be twelve:
January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd.... " "Hold it," interrupts St.
Peter. "I see where you are going with this, and I see your point,
though
that was not quite what I had in mind.....but I will have to give you
credit for that one, too.
Let us go on with the third and final question. Can you tell me God's
first name"?

"Sure," Forrest replied, "it's Andy."

"Andy?" exclaimed an exasperated and frustrated St.Peter
"Ok, I can underst and how you came up with your answers to my first two
questions, but just how in the world did you come up with the name Andy
As the first name of God?"

"Shucks, that was the easiest one of all," Forrest replied. "I learnt it
from the song .

"ANDY WALKS WITH ME, ANDY TALKS WITH ME,
ANDY TELLS ME I AM HIS OWN. . "

St. Peter opened the Pearly Gates, and said:
"Run Forrest, run."

__________

Give me a sense of humor, Lord.
Give me the ability to
understand a clean joke,
To get some humor out of life,
and to pass it on to other folk.

Phil

Happy Friday everyone and have an awesome weekend. I am sure you will find many of these you can agree with. :)

UNIVERSAL TRUTHS

1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my own neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this - ever.

15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damn it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What did you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

16. I hate leaving my house confident, looking good, and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

17. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

18. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

19. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.

20. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

21. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.

22. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

23. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.

24. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

25. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

26. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent an ass from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

27. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

28. Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber & dumber every year?

29. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

30. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

31. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

32. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet my behind everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!

"We can't all be heroes because somebody has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by."

:)