After 15 years of marriage, Kate leaves her husband Danny. Danny lost everything to his X wife, so thinking he’s going insane he takes a little walk through the forest. As he was walking his foot hits a lamp and a genie comes out. The genie says, “I'll give u 3 wishes, BUT everything you get your wife gets two times as much.
Danny wishes for a car and his wife got two times as many cars. Then he wished for a house and his wife got two houses. Then Danny asked the genie to choke him half two death.
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Have you ever been guilty of looking at others your own age and thinking, surely I can't look that old. Well, you'll love this one....
My name is Alice Smith and I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist. I noticed his diploma, which had his full name.
Suddenly, I remembered a tall, handsome, dark-haired boy with the same name had been in my high school class some 30-odd years ago. Could he be the same guy that i had a secret crush on, way back then?
Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was way too old to have been my classmate.
After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended Morgan Park High school.
'Yes. Yes, I did.' he gleamed with pride.
'When did you graduate?' I asked.
He answered, 'In 1967. Why do you ask?'
'You were in my class!' I exclaimed.
He looked at me closely. Then, that ugly, old, bald, wrinkled, fat, gray-haired man asked, 'What did you teach?'
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1.Sag, You're it
2.Pin the Toupee on the bald guy
3.20 questions shouted into your good ear
4.Kick the bucket
5.Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over
6.Doc Goose
7.Simon says something incoherent
8.Hide and go pee
9.Spin the Bottle of Mylanta
10)Musical recliners
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An eighty year old woman was getting married for the fourth time. A newspaper was interviewing her about her previous marriages. She said she got married the first time when she was twenty to a banker.
Then, in her forties she married a three ring circus leader. Then she married a preacher. And now she's marring a funeral home director. And the lady replied, when I look back at my previous marriages, I see one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go.
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One day a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead were being chased by the police.
The girls decided to go up 3 different trees and hide.
The brunette hid in the apple tree. The redhead hid in the lemon tree, and the blonde hid in the oak tree.
The policeman went to the apple tree and said, “Is there anyone up there?"
The brunette went, "meow"
The policeman said to himself, "Oh, its just a cat stuck up in a tree!"
Then he went over to the lemon tree and said, "Is there anyone up there?"
The redhead went, "bark bark"
The policeman said to himself, "Oh, its just a dog stuck up in a tree!"
Then he went over to the oak tree and said, "Is there anyone up there?"
The Blonde went, "Acorn, acorn!"
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One day President Obama fell off a bridge and was saved by three young boys.
Obama thanked them and said he'd give them all one thing in the whole world.
The first boy asked for a trip to Disney Land and vuala... that summer he was in Disney Land.
The second boy asked for a pair of Nike Shocks and sure enough the next day he was wearing a pair of Nike's.
The third boy asked for a wheel chair with a plasma TV, cup holders and hydrolics.
Obama, looking puzzled at the boy, asked why he wanted a tricked out wheel chair because he didn't look disabled.
The young boy replied, "I will be after my father finds out that I saved you".
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One day God was talking to Adam and he said "Adam you look lonely, I know I'll give you a woman but it will cost you an arm and a leg."
Adam said " what can I get for a rib?"
The rest is history.
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There once was a priest, a minister, and a rabbi fishing in a boat together.
One day, the priest said, "I'm thirsty," and stepped out of the boat. He then walked on water and took a drink from a booth on the beach.
The next day, the minister said, "I'm thirsty," and stepped out of the boat. He then walked on water and also took a drink from a booth on the beach.
On the third day, the rabbi said, "I'm thirsty". But as soon as he stepped out of the boat, he drowned.
The minister looked at the priest and said, "Think we shoulda told him where the rocks were?"
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