Hi Peter,

That last one was just precious, "Out of the mouth's of babes".

Here's a few that came in the mail today...

Cure for Lateness

Bob had this problem of getting up late in the morning and
was always late for work.

After a few weeks of this, his boss was mad and threatened
to fire him if he didn't do something about it.

So Bob went to his doctor, who gave him a pill and told him
to take it before he went to bed. He got a great night's
sleep and actually beat the alarm in the morning. After a
leisurely breakfast, he cheerfully drove to work.

"Boss," he said, "the pill my doctor prescribed actually
worked!"

"That's all fine," said the boss, "but where were you
yesterday?"

______________________________________________

Head Son

A man was waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor
came and informed the dad that his son was born without a
torso, arms, or legs. The son was just a head!

But the dad loved his son and raised him as well as he
could. Twenty-one years later, the son was old enough for
his first drink. The dad took him to a bar, tearfully told
him he was proud of him, and ordered the biggest, strongest
drink for his boy. With all the bar patrons looking on
curiously, the boy took his first sip of alcohol.

Swoooop! A torso popped out!

The bar was dead silent, then burst into a whoop of joy. The
father, shocked, begged his son to drink again. The patrons
chanted, "Take another drink! Take another drink!" The
bartender shook his head in dismay.

Swoooop! Two arms popped out!

The bar went wild. The father, crying and wailing, begged
his son to drink again. The patrons chanted, "Take another
drink! Take another drink!" But the bartender ignored the
whole affair.

By this time, the boy was getting tipsy. With his new hands,
he reached down, grabbed the drink, and guzzled the last of
it.

Swoooop! Two legs popped out.

The bar was in chaos. The father wept with joy. The boy
stood up on his new legs. He stumbled to the left. He
stumbled to the right. Then he stumbled through the front
door and into the street, where a truck ran him over.

The bar fell silent. The father moaned with grief. The
bartender merely sighed and said...

Wait for it, Wait for it...

"He should have quit while
he was a head."

______________________________________________________

Dangerous Criminal

One night, a lady stumbled into the police station with a
black eye. She claimed she heard a noise in her back yard
and went to investigate. The next thing she knew, she was
hit in the eye and knocked out cold.

An officer was sent to her house to investigate, and he
returned 1-1/2 hours later with a black eye.

"Did you get hit by the same person?" his captain asked.

"No," he replied. "I stepped on the same rake."

____________________________________________________

Senior Moment

"Where is my Sunday paper?" the irate customer calling the
newspaper office loudly demanded, wanting to know where her
Sunday edition was.

"Ma'am," said the newspaper employee, "today is Saturday.
The Sunday paper is not delivered until tomorrow, on
Sunday."

There was quite a long pause on the other end of the phone,
followed by a ray of recognition, as she was heard to
mutter, "Well, that's why no one was at church today!"

Have An Awesome Weekend My Friends,

Phil