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Amanda Martin-Shaver

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Re: Some of me Poetry, from the heart
5/12/2009 8:38:40 PM
Roger,

I agree and our frustrations, emotions, experiences
etc can be an uplifting and positive read for others.


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Amanda Martin-Shaver

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Re: Some of me Poetry, from the heart
5/13/2009 11:55:52 AM

Family, Who needs them?

I received email note from my big sis
excited to see her name I opened quickly
my excitement soon turned to 'what's this'?
a terse note "please take me off your undisclosed list"

not a thank you, I enjoy hearing from you
or, do not send photos cause they take to long to come through
"I am on dial up and I am not computer literate
I have no end of problems that I don't know how to fix it.

they are causing problems, goes off line before they show"
..The last time I saw or talked to her was 9 years ago
nothing about what has been happening in her neck of the woods
put a real damper on my first correspondence since childhood

I was just keeping my family updated
I did think she would hate this
she does not write so I do not know how she is
just a terse note to take her off my list!

So, What do I make of this email?
that she does not have any time for me
I hear from one sibling out of three
It was Mum who was the glue of our family

I thought blood was thinker than water
I am almost young enough to be her daughter
yet she has not been much of mentor
we never shared anything like sisters

I had always hoped that we would grow closer
as I got older we would find something in common
we both love and being around our horses
any conversation I started all too soon ceased

It is not as if I have not tried
or let it get to me, for long after I cried
in lines of communication open she is opposed
but alas I have to take her off, I suppose

I guess some siblings will never be friends
even the same blood flowing through our veins
does not make one a close family ally
so what is she to me now, just a blood relly?

Yes I am hurting and I am mad as hell
but I am resilient so I will put up my shell
give it to the Lord so He can take this pain
and tomorrow I will be all smiles again

Amanda Martin-Shaver ©
13 May 2009


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Kathleen Vanbeekom

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Re: Some of me Poetry, from the heart
5/13/2009 12:07:10 PM

Hi Amanda,

I hear you on that!  I have 3 big sisters who are somewhat older than me, and they were always together in a group doing EVERYTHING all the time, locking me out because I was too little, not wanting me around, so now when they DO want my help, am I supposed to jump?  I don't think so.  My mom told all of us directly to stay in touch with each other, we will do that, but what do I talk to them about, they who never wanted to talk to me, listen to me, or doing anything but boss me around?  Not much.  The time we wasted looking up to some people would have been better spent looking straight ahead living our own lives just like they did.  When people tell my I look like my sister(s) I always say "I look like my Mom & Dad" regardless of who was born first or second or sixth, or not any before me, I'd still look like  me.

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Amanda Martin-Shaver

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Re: Some of me Poetry, from the heart
5/13/2009 1:16:02 PM
Hi Kathleen,

Thank you understanding, I appreciate you sharing.

I am the youngest of four, one sister and 2 brothers. I only
hear from my eldest brother Philip who lives in Australia, but
fairly spasmodically.

My family did not see me as an adult even after I turned 21
onwards.  The times that I entered a room that my mother
and siblings had been deep in conversation about something
and they suddenly stopped, like whatever I may hear would
scare my young mind for ever!

In the town where I spent the first 6 years of my life and my
sister still lives, the towns people all knew she had two young
brothers but did not know there was me.
In the town where I spent the latter years of my life, knew
that I had two older brothers but did not know I had a sister!
It was not from me because I was happy to tell anyone that
I had one when asked.

I have jumped into help my brothers and sisters whenever
they have needed me. I have been taken advantage by them
too, never saw it coming because one does not expect your
own family members to rip you off and steal from you.

I put that behind me and tried to let sleeping dogs lie.  I do
not know what I did no one is telling me.  Unless they are
mad at me because I  am divorced from my ex.. well my sister
is a divorcee too!!?

Amanda
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