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Jean Marie

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Re: What about Respect in Making a Difference?
2/8/2009 3:14:29 PM

Hello Alain-

I agree with both of your points, when speaking of relationships, in general, and in certain instances. I am also glad to see that you are also courageous, and are willing to discuss your viewpoint.

In general relationships, yes, you may not always need to voice a contrary opinion.  However, let us look at a scenario in which that behavior would be expected.  Perhaps a couple is having a discussion concerning household finances & the purchase of an expensive item for their home.  It would be expected that both parties would have contrary viewpoints, hence the disagreement.  One would expect between a cohabitating couple at least a modicum of mutual respect, where each could entertain the other's viewpoint, listening attentively, and waiting for the first to complete their discourse, prior to posing the other's contrary viewpoint. As we know from census statistics & the divorce rates, most couples do not communicate very well at all.

The 6-steps are from the "Respect" module of "Leadership Training-Motivating your Workforce beyond Mediocrity", a course I teach for first-line and middle managers.

In the workplace, when managers are coaching & counseling, typically their viewpoint is not the same as their subordinate staff member. It is very important in these instances for the manager to outline what the employee's deficiency is, what corrective action needs to be implemented, the time frame allowed for implementing the corrective action and the consequence for failure to take the corrective measures. It is also important for the manager to listen to the employee's input, thereby enabling the manager to develop a corrective action plan that will enable the employee's success. Hence, the manager will almost always need to respond, and typically, the manager's viewpoint will be contrary to that of the emplloyee being coached or counseled.

It is the ability to have & voice the contrary viewpoint or opinion, in a non-threatening manner, with courtesy and diplomacy that will earn respect.  Voicing agreement when one disagrees or displaying apathy concerning a topic that truly matters to someone is dishonest, and  can cause a perception that you do not respect yourself, nor the person you are communicationg with.

It takes a skilled communicator to know when to listen and when to speak, and though I have met many great communicators in this life, none are perfect, perfection is a goal that is unattainable, yet we continue to strive for it.  This is part of what makes us human, members of mankind.

Learning is a life-long process...  and I will forever be a student while I walk this planet! And I thank the many people who pass through my life, for I gain something new from every one of them.  I celebrate the opportunity to face each new day with joy in my heart, with the promises of better things yet to come....

Thank you for the opportuniity to stretch my brain cells and my heart on this Sunday afternoon....  I am enjoying this forum more than you could imagine....

Hugs always,

JeanMarie

 

JeanMarie http://www.3daydancers.com "May you live today from what you learned yesterday to achieve a better tomorrow"
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Roger Macdivitt .

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Re: What about Respect in Making a Difference?
2/8/2009 3:17:02 PM

Alain and JeanMarie,

The point made by JeanMarie about not interupting is hugely important and one VERY personal to me.

I have, all of my life, suffered a particular problem the name/reason/cause/extent, that I am only really beginning now to understand. An effect of this condition is that, while I listen, and intently, thoughts fill my head which I consider might be important to the person I'm speaking to, BUT, my condition means that I will probably forget the information that I have for them. A fight then occurs, within my head involving respect. Respect for me. Respect for the person. Respect for the importance of the information. All this, in micro, micro seconds.

I have had to develop ways of interupting if I have to, or accepting that it "wasn't that important". It's far more complicated than that.

My point:

While we go about our normal lives we meet people without any regard to their challenges and judge them accordingly. Sometimes people make mistakes  or even have "they always do that" moments. Our respect is sometimes missing or misplaced.

I reveal this because it might help somebody. There is nothing better than knowing you're not alone.

Love you guys,

Roger

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Amanda Martin-Shaver

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Re: What about Respect in Making a Difference?
2/8/2009 3:20:31 PM

Thank you Alain, Jean Marie, Roger, Rinna for your kind thoughts, respect, words of wisdom from understanding
and love.
 
I was given this gift of poetry about 10 years ago so I am
fairly new to the art. This gift was given to help me through
the pain as I was able to express myself in a much better
and worth while way than when I tried to verbalize or just
write it down. Some of my poems have expressed pain
from my own experiences and from seeing pain in others
and of course the joy and humor that ones sees around us.

Yes, I did come to the conclusion that I am a very worth
while person to have as a friend, a wife, mother, sister, aunt
..and the ones that cannot see this in me that I am there for
them and try never to judge (because I have been judged)
are missing out on someone whom is faithful, loyal and is there for the long haul
I guess they do not fully realise that friendship is a two way street that you work upon
developing strong bonds like one does in a marriage and
you do not throw it away without good cause.

Amanda
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Roger Macdivitt .

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Re: What about Respect in Making a Difference?
2/8/2009 3:22:46 PM

Wow,

This is difficult.

I have so much to do tonight (9.30 p.m. here) but I have to leave the discussion for now.

I think that I may return?

Roger

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Myrna Ferguson

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Re: What about Respect in Making a Difference?
2/8/2009 3:32:40 PM
Hi Alain,

Gee,  this forum is hot.  I am learning all kind of good things here, from all you great friends.  very interesting.

Alain, I never thought that you tried to be different with your name, I just thought that was your spelling,  It is so good to hear about it being French. I think that is neat.  We had a gentlemen in our church who had the name of Allday I never called him by his name, because I was concerned I would goof it up and call him All-day.  He has been deceased now for 6-7 months, sweet man.

I have said things on these forums before and what I said did not sound the same to others and they took it to mean something else I had not thought of. Do you understand what I am saying?
Let me know what you think of this

Myrna
LOVE IS THE ANSWER
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