Thank you Amanda for sharing as i have heard your tragic story before, Amanda you and James even though he's hard of hearing are like an extended family from the time of one of my first online job experiances with Jerky Direct, i personally want to thank you for your encouragements and you as a manager to me in all that we did, it made me a better business man. I am here for you Amanda, this is also for anyone who feels like theres keeping there faith stable, i am taught every wednesday night by elders of the church of Christ in our bible talks, we talk about what is going on in our lives and what the bible can do for us by reading what the scripurs has to say with whats going on inside us, 9 years now of this, always in constant changes with meeting new friends, new family members, aquantances, but the only person who will never change is God himself. You just keep me posted and i'll listen, perhaps give you some uplifting scriptures to how you are feeling, its also what i do, so its no problem at all lol lol.  Amanda God has a plan for you and what we do with our judgments and time is part of it, sometimes when we think we are alright were not and when we think things are bad like the economy it isnt, we all still make money for one another, life still flows as it always has, and tomorrow is todays begining. No God isnt to blame and dont you blame yourself for something you cannot understand or control because only God can control it, along with the universe and everything in it. Rabbi Jesus calls us and the disciples to do there best at whatever they or we do (Colossians 3:23). I believe God expects us to love and serve with a commitment far beyond what most of us have typicly observed in the religious world Romans 12:10, 1 John 3:16).  Whatever it is Amanda im here to help! God_bless you and remember to keep me posted!!

Tom thanks for listening.

What I did learn from this experience - it OK to be angry and tell the Lord I am
angry and rant and rave, about my situation.  He has broad shoulders and can
take it and I am not getting angry with someone else that could misconstrue my
anger and I inadvertently hurt them in the process of expressing that anger. 

Even in anger, He knows my heart and is listening to this more than my words at
that time. God looks at the heart - (Samual somewhere).. I was frightened, in pain
and I needed an outlet and a good cry.  Who better than have Jesus wipe away
my tears after a good rant and bawl! *grin*

I can remember when James was angry and he was ranting and raving and letting
off steam outside with the Lord.  It made me scared as James was 'dishing it out
to God'  wow this is huge and way out there from my comfort zone. I use to keep my anger in check when I was talking to the Lord and was not being 'real' with Him.

It was like I did not really feel comfortable and even though I had been told He
would not 'zap me' and throw me out of His family - there was something that 'I
just was not quite there with Him'.  I think many of us have been in similar situations that God is up there and we are down here and finding that balance, that we can actually be open and honest and tell Him everything that is going on in our lives. 
He knows anyway but we still need to take that leap of faith and tell him.

What I found with many christians - they do not share their struggles, disappointments, and everyday hard walk with the Lord.  They talk like they have
it all right so it has intimidated me up to a point that because our personal walk
is a struggle we are doing something wrong and we are not in the Lords Will.

I am thankful that when I accepted the Lord I was baptised shortly after in the Holy Spirit and I had such a hunger for the Word.  For 2 whole weeks I read the bible
cover to cover, word for word.  Only the basics in my home got done in those two weeks. I needed to 'hide the Word in my heart'  even thought I fully admit I do not remember exact scripture verses and chapters I basically know where they are. 
I did a 3 year foundation study (the study was only about 6 weeks if you did it on
your own, we did it in a group and stopped often to talk about parts of each weeks study and pray because it often brought up past hurts, understanding, forgiving etc that needed addressing in prayer)  This was invaluable and I was able to plant
my feet on the foundation stone of Jesus.

James has been a good match for me because He understands and see things
differently to me and I from James that we can share and talk about and learn from
each other. 

You have my email address, please feel free to send along scripture, I would like
this thanks.

I just realized, I have started Thanksgiving early.. *grin*

Amanda

Funny you should mention " Comfort Zone" i was nesting in a good comfort zone here at adlandpro letting friends who are no longer friends walk all over me, i think i came out of that box this weekend. As i said having bible talks every week to discuss th events we come across weekly andto incorperate that into what the scriptures say, its part of my life, like walking or drinking a cup of coffee i guess lol. Before i was baptized, 04/03/99 i spent one full year in the church's chemical recovery classes , at the time i wasstill addicted to heroine, we had almost the same setting as our bible talks except for the journal and the disciples who were our sponsores who had been through the same things to relate to one another, hard as it was, crying and moaning, moaning an crying, i did graduate with honors as you can see, during the last part of those 12 months i personally along with the disciple who invited me to one of our church services (outdoors) i love the outdoors, anyway so i started with my studies, it took 3 months, i was a defentant hard case to tame but i did and found myself in front of 300 disciples at the Hyatt regency downtown L.A.

Hi Thomas,
 This is quite a topic. Most Christians feel that they have to "Belong" to a Church in order to Believe in GOD.  Quite Frankly, GOD is within us and where two or more gather in HIS NAME, so be he.  There are many people that can quote scriptures from memory, however if they are asked to translate what they have quoted, they are lost for words.  The BIBLE itself has been called THE BOOK OF MYSTERIES because it contradicts itself throughout.  Whatever message that you want to convey is written in the pages of the bible.  However, as the Vatican has locked at least twenty-eight Books of the Bible away in the vaults which have never been included in the Bible itself, there are still many answers to the bible that we will never know.  For as long as the Catholic Church has been in existence there have been wars.  Members of Organized Crime syndicates are predominatley Catholic. A good, faithful Christian does not have to be a person that attends church every Sunday or two or three times a week, but rather a person that does his or her best to live their lives according to what GOD expects of us.
Three weeks after leaving the hospital after Triple By-Pass surgery, Shirley and I attended Mass.  I was still in a lot of pain, and needed help sitting, standing, and forget kneeling.  We were just about completely out of money and the Priest was doing his Sermon on compassion for those in need.  I thought that it was a sign, so after Mass I approached him and told him about our financial situation.  His response was that I should have thought of that before I had a Heart Attack.  He suggested that I get off my butt and get a job, stating that if I loved Shirley as much as I claimed that I did, I would not have put her in that position to begin with. 
We are all sinners and all fall short of the Glory of the Lord.  However, if we continue to listen to the leaders of the churches we will fall so far behind it won't be funny.  No matter what denomination it is, the main interests in all churches is not our salvation but rather how much money can we donate each Sunday.  It is a known fact that if you stop tything at your church, one or more members of that church is going to ask you to leave.  I believe in GOD with all my being, however I have never, nor will I ever believe in MAN.  It was MAN that translated the words of the BIBLE as He saw fit. It is now the Contention of the Catholic Church  that those who do not follow their rules on Pro Life should not be allowed to receive Holy Communion and should be ex-communicated.  If a woman is brutally attacked while going to her car at the grocery store, beaten and then raped leaving her pregnant, by the rules of the Church she is ordered to have that child.  This means that for the next nine months, every time the fetus kicks, the brutality of that attack returns.  I feel that every woman has the right to make her own decision on matters of that sort and I do not believe that GOD would dis-approve.  Their has been and still is, too much degrading of women everywhere In The Name of GOD.  We are all GOD's creatures, both men and women, and I cannot see GOD choosing men over women.  To be GODLIKE we have to be Compassionate, not Ruthless.  Not all will agree with me on this, however I had to make my statement.
GOD BLESS YOU
Mike
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I have been reading the comments here with interest.  I also don't believe you must belong to a church to be a good living person.  My parents were both raised in very strict religions and when they married they never went to church.  They felt they had had it pushed down them so much.  They did, however, live a very good, religious life.  As a young school child I started going to church (different than those my parents had gone to) with a friend and have remained with that church all my life.  There are some things I don't agree with but they teach moderation in life and not complete abstinence.  I have moved a lot and gone to different churches of the same religion.  There is really no perfect religion, but if we all lived by the ten commandments (that we never hear anymore) life would be much better.