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Nice post Kathy, you missed two HUGE factors related to intimidation. The first is how a person might act other than to intimidate that delivers the ends sought. The second is when intimidation is called for. Looking over the edge of a lengthy cliff should be intimidating and through such intimidation calls the intimidatee to life benefitting action, don't fall.
On acting without intimidation:
Express as effectively as possible what benefit a person is served in compliance with your request. If there is no benefit for the person, YOUR goals should be adjusted that the person you're communicating with IS served a benefit hefty enough to render their compliance. If you're incapable or unwilling to provide such a benefit find someone else to perform the action.
When is intimidation called for?
To express what will certainly hurt a person that they are then able to avoid such self suffering action. Intimidation should never be used as a tool of self benefit but strictly as a warning to the intimidatee as an expression of concern for the person warned.
Intimidation should be used for self benefit strictly where a physical threat has been issued and the issue addressed seems will not be resolved apart from a display suffice to convince the aggressor they are better served in some action apart from continuing their aggression.
The lowest level of intimidation that will certainly suffice to ward off the aggressor should be issued.
If the option to walk away presents itself such is generally preferable. This applies where the ground lost is not vital to your healthy existence.
I've backed down quite a few threat issuing people with displays of martial arts expertise. This nonviolent (lacking a violee) action avoided what might otherwise have been a bloody mess.
I've also been attacked by people with weapons more than 10 times in the past 3 years. These attacks have actually resulted my being stabbed with an ice pick, having a wine bottle smashed over my head, suffering a 1/2 raised bump resulting from a baton strike, a gash over my right eyebrow due a flight down a flyte of stairs, the rest of the attacks resulted no landed strike. In each of these attacks, except 1 in which the attacker was armed with a gun, I stood my ground and sent the other person walking.
I certainly feel no remorse in having intimidated a few people away from attacking me.
Most importantly deal with people on the level they're dealing with you on. If they're reasonable and communicative, communicate for as long as necessary to resolve whatever issue.
In communicating if you're unable to find the right words, take a break from communicating to think, research then write the resolve at which you've arrived.
Great communicating with you,
Dan
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