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Hello my friends,
What is intimidation?
Intimidation is:
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Threatening to use power or control to get others to do what you want them to do.
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Using coercion or force to get what you want from others.
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Making others feel like you are more powerful or forceful than what you really are.
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Wearing a mask of being "untouchable'' so that people keep an emotional distance from you and yet do for you what you desire.
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Using verbal and nonverbal cues to let others know you are not going to reward any unfaithfulness to what you desire them to do for you.
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Using verbally, physically, sexually, or emotionally abusive behaviors to get people to "stay in line.''
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Using physical size, stature, and strength to get others to respect and obey you.
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Using punishments such as firing, poor evaluations, divorce, spanking, physical fights to get people to do what you want.
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Using quick temper, anger, or rage to get people to do what you want.
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Holding your knowledge, level of education, number of degrees over the heads of others to get them to listen to and obey you.
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Convincing others that you are the "only one'' with enough experience, wisdom, intellect, and insight to give direction or to have the "correct'' answers to life's problems.
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Acting in such a way that no one would dare question or stand up to you over any of your decisions, opinions, or directives.
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Using your money, wealth, or status to put others into their place so that your power over them is secured and not questioned.
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Keeping others loyal to you by threats of pulling back your support, love, caring, interest, or approval of them.
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Using dictatorial, Gestapo, or autocratic behaviors to get people to do what you want.
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Unintentional verbal or nonverbal cues which put people on guard when they are with you.
What are the negative effects of intimidation?
If you continue to use intimidation to control others, then you will:
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Find people developing emotional barriers in their relationships with you so that they are no longer vulnerable to being hurt by your control.
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Be at risk of being accused as being emotionally, verbally, physically, or sexually abusive in your dealings with others.
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Find that the costs of "getting your way'' all of the time are greater than you expected when you find yourself lonely and disconnected from others.
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Believe that the only goal in life is succeeding in getting your way at any cost and become totally consumed in the pursuit of acquiring power, control, position, and status.
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Run the risk of becoming a pathetic, lonely, isolated person with few close relationships and many enemies out to get their revenge against you.
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Experience a great deal of passive aggressiveness thrown your way by the people you are trying to control.
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Risk becoming more absolute and rigid in your exercise of power and control and become more defensive about any personal criticism of your actions or beliefs.
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Begin to prefer "rejecting'' people before they reject you and find yourself becoming increasingly socially isolated and alienated from others.
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Not be accepted, approved of or sought after by others who will never get a chance to see the "real you'' whom you've locked behind your intimidating mask.
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Feel like you're really a "teddy bear'' underneath it all and bemoan that people never take the time to get to know this side of you. You might even lie and say you don't care if they never get to know that side of you, even though emotionally you know differently.
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Run the risk of becoming more depressed as you become more isolated and find that your anger and rage flare ups increase.
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Experience even lower self-esteem due to the lack of acceptance by others.
How is intimidation a control issue?
Intimidation is a control issue because it:
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Places the ``locus of control'' not "internally" on the person who is doing what you want them to do but "externally" on you the intimidator.
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Is an attempt to get others to do what you want them to do.
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Involves use of control strategies such as threats, pressure, power, force, or coercion.
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Gets others to do what you want not because they freely want to do it but because of your control over them.
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Uses the power of the fear of your rejection, disapproval, and anger to get others to comply with your requests.
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Robs free choice and free will from those people whom you have intimidated.
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Makes others victims of your power and control needs.
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Does not always occur intentionally and can occur when a person gives you power and control to get what you want because they feel intimidated by your size, behavior, demeanor, anger, intellect, verbal skills, etc.
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Is a shifting of the power over oneself to being under the power of another, be it done intentionally or not.
* Weakens the will to survive in those who feel beaten down, abused and oppressed by the intimidator.
What irrational thinking leads to the use of intimidation of others?
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I will use whatever it takes to get them to obey me.
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No one will ever get away with showing a lack of respect for my position of authority, leadership, and dominance.
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People should always do what I tell them no matter what.
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I would feel out of control and weak if people didn't always do what I wanted them to do.
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They owe me respect, obedience, and compliance with all of my requests because I am in charge of them.
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What I say goes around here. No if's, and's, or but's. You hear that!
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I know more than they do so they should listen to me and do what I tell them to do.
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They owe it to me. After all, look at all I have done for them.
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If they dare question or buck me on this, they will have to leave here.
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No one has a right around here to ignore me or my requests since I earn the money which they need.
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Just step out of line once and I'll knock your head off.
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People only respond to threats, coercion, and power plays around here.
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I get more out of people when I get angry at them.
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As long as I am the strongest or most intelligent or the wealthiest around here, they will do what I tell them to do.
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It takes too much time to get consensus or compromise, so as long as they do what I want we'll all be happy around here.
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They are sick people and I am the only healthy one around here, so they should follow my advice and direction.
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They are non-informed, intellectually inferior, and poorly educated, so they should listen to me.
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The only way to get things done is to ride them hard and long.
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You don't get anywhere by listening to other's opinions about what needs to be done since they will disagree with what you want done and you'll have to force them to do what you want done anyway.
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There is no reason why I need to give them the freedom to do what they want to do. After all, what have they done for me?
Have you experienced this in your life?
Many blessings to you my friends, kathy martin
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