Hi Sara,

Now you know, I wouldn't laugh out loud, but I must admit to a smile or two, and my Bluebirds really got a kick out of it..

I found a couple of Parrot jokes. Wasn't sure which one you meant...

Poor Parrot

A lady who was very lonesome bought a parrot from a pet store, complete with cage. Before purchasing it she got a guarantee that the parrot would talk. She took the parrot home. However, after a week and a half she returned to the store, very disappointed.

"The parrot still doesn't talk.", the Customer said.

"Did you buy a mirror?", asked the Clerk

"No." the Customer replied.

"Well, every parrot needs a mirror." said the Clerk.

"So she bought a mirror and installed it in the parrot's cage. Another week and a half went by and she returned. "The parrot still doesn't talk."

"Did you buy a ladder?" the Clerk asked

"No." replied the Customer.

"Every parrot needs a ladder", the Clerk told her.

"So she bought a ladder and installed it in the cage. Another week and a half passed and she returned. "The parrot still doesn't talk." she said

"Did you buy a swing?", ashed the Clerk.

"No." she answered.

"Every parrot needs a swing."said the Clerk.

So she bought a swing and installed it in the cage. Finally, after a week and a half later she returned and she was furious!

The store owner asked, "Well, did the parrot talk?"

"No!, he died." said the Customer.

"Oh, that's terrible, said the Clerk. "Did he say anything before he died?"

"Yes", she replied.

"What?" asked the Store Clerk.

"He gasped, 'Don't they have any food down at that store?'"

__________

Foul-Mouthed Parrot

Ben had received a parrot for his birthday. It was full grown and, although very beautiful, it had a nasty attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every other word that came out of the parrot's mouth was an expletive and those that weren't were, to put it mildly, downright rude. Ben tried diligently to change the bird's attitude. He always used polite words, played soft music, did anything he could think of, but nothing seemed to work.

He yelled at the bird, but the bird got worse. He shook the bird, but that only made him worse too. Finally, in a moment of desperation, he shoved a frozen Turkey aside and put the parrot in the freezer.

For a few moments he was able to hear the bird squawking, swearing, kicking and

screaming. Then, suddenly, there was absolute quiet.

Afraid that he had actually caused harm to the parrot, Ben quickly opened the freezer door.

The parrot calmly stepped out onto Ben's extended arm and said, "I deeply apologize if I offended you with my language and my actions and beg your forgiveness. I promise that I shall endeavor to correct my behavior."

Astounded by the changes in the bird's attitude, Ben was just about to ask him what had changed him when the parrot continued ...

"If I may ask, what did the chicken do?"

__________

Have A Fun Fourth My Friend,

Phil

keith

Phill, thanks for not LOL!! Those are some good parrot jokes, but I did find the one I was thinking of:

A lady is walking down the street to work and sees a parrot in a pet store. She stops to admire the bird. The parrot says to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." Well, the lady is furious! She storms past the store to her work. On the way home she saw the same parrot in the window and the parrot upon seeing her says, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." She was incredibly ticked now. The next day on the way to work she saw the same parrot and once again it said, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." The lady was so furious that she stormed into the store and threatened to sue the store and have the bird killed. The store manager apologized profusely and promised the bird wouldn't say it again. The next day, when the lady walked past the store after work the parrot said to her, "Hey lady." She paused, scowled with an icy and deadly stare, and said with a hoarse voice, "Yes?" The bird, strutting back and forth on its perch in a cocky manner, said, "You know."

Have a good one!

Sara

Hi Karen,

Thanks for the Cute Picture. I've had a few days like that, when...

The hurrieder I would go, the slower I would get!

Kind of reminds me of the Old Saying, "You Know It's Gonna Be A Bad Day...".

Here are some tell-tale signs it's gonna be a bad day. If any of these things happen, DO NOT leave the house. Crawl back into bed and start over again tomorrow.

• You wake up face down on the pavement.
• You call Suicide Prevention and they put you on hold.
• You see a 60 Minutes news team waiting in your office.
• Your blind date turns out to be your ex.
• Your income check bounces.
• Your pet rock snaps at you.
• Your boss tells you not to bother to take off your coat.
• Your wife says, "Good morning, Bill" and your name is George.
• Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.
• You turn on the news and they're showing emergency routes out of the city.

Go Ahead And Have A Happy Day Anyway My Friend,

Phil

Hi Sara,

Now that one was funny. You got me to looking for Parrot Jokes, so here's a few more you might like...

A Vulgar Parrot

An elderly woman bought a parrot. The woman asked if it would behave if she took it to church with her on Sundays. The owner said it shouldn't be a problem and that she could put him on her shoulder and he would stay there.

She bought the parrot and the next week she put him on her shoulder and went off to church. Just as everyone quieted down and the sermon began, the parrot looked around, squawked and said, "It's too darned cold in here!"

Everyone turned to look at her, she ran out of the church in total embarrassment!

The next day she returned to the pet store and explained the embarrassing situation to the owner. The owner offered the following solution:

"If the parrot does that again, grab him by the legs and swing him around 5 times and return him to your shoulder."

So, the next Sunday she took the parrot to church and, sure enough just as the sermon started the parrot squawked, "It's too darned cold in here!"

Without any hesitation, the woman grabbed his legs, swung him around 5 times and placed him back on her shoulder.

The parrot shook his head, ruffled his feathers and said, "Pretty daggone' windy, too."

__________

A drunk is driving with his parrot through the city and his car is weaving violently all over the road. A cop pulls him over.

"So," says the cop to the driver, "where have you been?"

"I've been to the pub," slurs the parrot and the drunk smiles.

"Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few.

"He did all right," the parrot says and the drunk smiles.

"Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?"

"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the parrot. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf." __________ __________ A burglar broke into a house late one night. As he was loading loot into his bag, he heard someone say, "Jesus is watching you." The burglar was slightly alarmed, but continued robbing the house. Then he heard it again. "Jesus is watching you." After hearing it a third time, the burglar found the source of the warnings-- a smart little parrot. "Well, hiya," the burglar said. "What's your name?" "Clarence," the parrot replied. "Ha! What kind of bozo would name their bird Clarence?" the burglar snorted. To this the parrot answered, "The same bozo who named his Rottweiler Jesus!" __________ A lady went to an auction and was smitten by a beautiful parrot for sale and decided that she must own this gorgeous bird! When the bird came up on the block, the auctioneer called out, "How much starting bid for this parrot?" and the lady yelled out her bid of "Seven hundred dollars!" ..."Eight hundred!" "Eight-fifty!" "Nine hundred!" went the next several bids, and the lady then bidded "One thousand dollars!"... Well, the bidding went on this way for several minutes until she found herself the proud owner of an parrot for $1500. She approached the auctioneer and asked him "Can the bird talk?" to which the auctioneer replied "Lady, who do you think was bidding against you?" __________ This lady approaches a priest and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have these two talking female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing." "What do they say," the priest inquired. "They only know how to say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?' " "That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed, "but I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two talking female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots who I taught to pray and read the bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship." "Thank you!" the woman responded. So the next day, the lady brings her female parrots to the priest's house. The priest two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her female parrots in with the male parrots and the female parrots say, "Hi, we are prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?" One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and exclaims, "Put the bibles away son. Our prayers have been answered!" __________ Have A Terric Week My Dear Friend, Phil