Hello Gaby,
I hope they keep coming! I enjoy every one of them.

Hi Mary,

Here's a few more of my Favorites.  Most are Short & Sweet.

I've seen it all, done it all, heard it all. I just can't remember it all!"

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As you grow old, you lose interest in sex, your friends drift away and your children often ignore you. There are other advantages of course, but these are the outstanding ones.

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These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter.
I go somewhere to get something... then wonder what I'm here after.

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Warning! - NEVER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

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Three old pilots are walking on the ramp. First one says, "Windy, isn't it?" Second one says, "No, its Thursday!" Third one says, "So am I. Lets go get a beer."

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As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on the 401. Please be careful!" "It's not just one car," said Herman. "It's hundreds of them!"

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A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect." "Really," answered the neighbor. "What kind is it?" "Twelve thirty."

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I knew it......I knew it!  I knew they would finally disclose the ingredients in Viagra!

3% Vitamin E
2% Aspirin
2% Ibuprofen
1% Vitamin C
5% Spray Starch
87% Fix-A-Flat

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And finally, just a few of the good things that happen as you grow older

Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off!
Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
It's harder and harder for sexual harassment charges to stick.
If you've never smoked, you can start now and it won't have time to hurt you.
Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them, either!!
Your eyes won't get much worse.
Things you buy now don't have time to wear out.
And, one of the best advantages of being old.

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Have A Happy Evening,

Phil

Hello Phil,
These are priceless! Keep em coming.

Hugs,
Mary

Next time you use a pair of rubber gloves, you're going to smile when you think of this:

A dentist noticed that his next patient, a little old lady, was nervous so he decided to tell her a little joke as he put on his gloves. 'Do you know how they make these gloves?' he asked.

'No, I don't,' she replied.
 
'Well,' he spoofed, 'there's a building in Canada with a big tank of latex and workers of all hand sizes walk up to the tank, dip in their hands, let them dry, then peel off the gloves and throw them into boxes of the right size.'
 
She didn't crack a smile. 'Oh, well. I tried,' he thought.
 
But five minutes later, during a delicate portion of the procedure, she burst out laughing. 'What's so funny?' he asked


'I was just envisioning how condoms are made!'

Gotta watch those little old ladies! Their minds are always working!