A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
W. C. Fields

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
W. C. Fields

Abstaining is favorable both to the head and the pocket.
W. C. Fields

Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
W. C. Fields

All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.
W. C. Fields

Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake.
W. C. Fields

Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad.
W. C. Fields

Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.
W. C. Fields

Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again.
W. C. Fields

Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.
W. C. Fields

Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting?
W. C. Fields

Hell, I never vote for anybody, I always vote against.
W. C. Fields

Here lies W. C. Fields. I would rather be living in Philadelphia.
W. C. Fields

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
W. C. Fields

I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
W. C. Fields

I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
W. C. Fields

I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally.
W. C. Fields

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
W. C. Fields

I drink therefore I am.
W. C. Fields

I like children - fried.
W. C. Fields

I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
W. C. Fields

I must have a drink of breakfast.
W. C. Fields

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
W. C. Fields

I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes.
W. C. Fields

I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.
W. C. Fields

I never met a kid I liked.
W. C. Fields

I never vote for anyone. I always vote against.
W. C. Fields

I never worry about being driven to drink; I just worry about being driven home.
W. C. Fields

I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.
W. C. Fields

I'm free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
W. C. Fields

I'm looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.).
W. C. Fields

If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
W. C. Fields

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.
W. C. Fields

If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.
W. C. Fields

If there's a will, prosperity can't be far behind.
W. C. Fields

If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
W. C. Fields

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
W. C. Fields

Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.
W. C. Fields