|
An
elderly gentleman...
Had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He
went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of
hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%
The elderly gentleman
went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, 'Your hearing is
perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.'
The
gentleman replied, 'Oh, I haven't told my family yet.
I just sit around and
listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three
times!'
Two
elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree
when one turns to the other and says: 'Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm jus t
full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?'
Slim
says, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.'
'Really!? Like a newborn
baby!?'
'Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my
pants.'
An
elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives
left the table and went into the kitchen.
The two gentlemen were talking, and
one said, 'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I
would recommend it very highly.'
The other man said, 'What is the name of th
e restaurant?'
The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What is
the name of that flower you give to someone you love?
You know... The one
that's red and has thorns.'
'Do you mean a rose?'
'Yes, that's the one,'
replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's
the name of that restaurant we went to last
night?'
Hospital
regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while
working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and
sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he! Didn't need my
help to leave the hospital.
After a chat about rules being rules, he
reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator.
On the way down I asked him if
his wife was meeting him.
'I don't know,' he said. 'She's still upstairs in
the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.'
Couple
in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup,
the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start
writing things down to help them remember
Later that night, while
watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. 'Want anything while I'm in the
kitchen?' he asks.
'Will you get me a bowl of ice
cream?'
'Sure.'
'Don't you think you should write it down so you can
remember it?' she asks.
'No, I can remember it.'
'Well, I'd like some
strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so's not to forget
it?'
He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with
strawberries.'
'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that,
write it down?' she asks.
Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down,
I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for
goodness sake!'
Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20
minutes,
The old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of
bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment.
'Where's my toast
?'
A
senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:
'So I hear you're getting
married?'
'Yep!'
'Do I know her?'
'Nope!'
'This woman, is she good
looking?'
'Not really.'
'Is she a good cook?'
'Naw, she can't cook too
well.'
'Does she have lots of money?'
'Nope! Poor as a church
mouse.'
'Well, then, is she good in bed?'
'I don't know.'
'Why in the
world do you want to marry her then ?'
'Because she can still
drive!'
Three
old guys are out walking.
First one says, 'Windy, isn't it?'
Second one
says, 'No, it's Thursday!'
Third one says, 'So am I. Let's go get a
beer.'
A
man was telling his neighbor, 'I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four
thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect.'
'Really,'
answered the neighbor . 'What kind is it?'
'Twelve
thirty.'
Morris,
an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
A few days later,
the doctor saw Morris w alking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on
his arm.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're
really doing great, aren't you?'
Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said,
Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.''
The doctor said, 'I didn't say that.
I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'
One
more. . .!
A
little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself
slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.. After catching his breath, he ordered a
banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'
'No,' he replied,
'Arthritis.'
|