Google TiSP (BETA) is a fully functional,
end-to-end system that provides in-home wireless access by connecting
your commode-based TiSP wireless router to one of thousands of TiSP
Access Nodes via fiber-optic cable strung through your local municipal
sewage lines.
Installing
a typical home TiSP system is a quick, easy and largely sanitary
process -- provided you follow these step-by-step instructions very, very carefully.
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#1 Remove the spindle of fiber-optic cable from your TiSP installation kit.
#2 Attach the sinker to the loose end of the cable, take one safe step backward and drop this weighted end into your toilet.
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#3 Grasp
both ends of the spindle firmly while a friend or loved one flushes,
thus activating the patented GFlush™ system, which sends the weighted
cable surfing through the plumbing system to one of the thousands of
TiSP Access Nodes.
#4 When the GFlush is complete,
the spindle will (or at least should) have largely unraveled, exposing
a connector at the remaining end. Detach the cable from the spindle,
taking care not to allow the cable to slip into the toilet.
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#5 Plug
the fiber-optic cable into your TiSP wireless router, which has a
specially designed counterweight to withstand the centripetal force of
flushing.
#6 Insert the TiSP installation CD and run
the setup utility to install the Google Toolbar (required) and the rest
of the TiSP software, which will automatically configure your
computer's network settings.
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#7 Within
sixty minutes -- assuming proper data flow -- the other end of your
fiber-optic cable should have reached the nearest TiSP Access Node,
where our Plumbing Hardware Dispatchers (PHDs) will remove the sinker
and plug the line into our global data networking system.
#8 Congratulations, you're online! (Please wash your hands before surfing.)
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Note: If you have any difficulty installing, operating or simply living with TiSP, we suggest joining the TiSP Help Group.
Professional Installation Service
You can also choose to request our professional installation service,
which dispatches an army of factory-trained, sub-contracted nanobots
from the TiSP Access Node. The nanobots travel with exhilarating
nano-speed through the sewer system and into your home to perform the
installation service, which should be complete within 15 minutes. Note:
For your own physical safety and emotional well-being and in
consideration of the nanobots' working conditions, please make
absolutely certain that your toilet is unoccupied at the scheduled
appointment time.
In-Commode Package Delivery
With professional installation service, you can also have your Google Checkout
purchases delivered directly through the sewage network into your
bathroom. Each package comes pre-sealed in a watertight and
nanobot-resistant bag made of biodegradable corn-based plastic. For a
limited time, TiSP subscribers who sign up for a Checkout account will receive free bathroom delivery on their first ten Checkout purchases.
TiSP for Enterprise
We're actively developing a higher-performance version of TiSP
specifically tailored to small and medium-sized businesses, including
24-hour, on-site technical support in the event of backup problems,
brownouts and data wipes.
Learn more about TiSP: Frequently Asked Questions