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Domestic Abuse: Why Does She Stay? 8/22/2007 2:09:11 PM
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Understanding Domestic Abuse: Why Does
She Stay?
Trina L.C.
Sonnenberg
One of the most devastating misconceptions that many
people have about domestic abuse is the notion that the abuse must not be real,
or serious, if she doesn't leave. I'd say that it is safe to say that the
question that many need an answer to is: Why does she
stay?
It is fairly common, for outsiders to look down their noses in
judgmental fashion, at a woman, simply because she stays in the abusive
environment. I wonder how many of these same people feel abused at their place
of employment, yet continue to work there.
Women do not stay in abusive
relationships because they enjoy, or accept the abuse.
Women stay in
abusive relationships because of: Fear, Guilt, Financial dependence,
Religious beliefs, Denial, to name just a few.
What does she fear?
A woman fears many things, while inside an abusive relationship. Many
women fear that their desire to leave will be discovered and any attempt at
leaving will fail. Abused women have usually become isolated from family
members, friends and other people who may be able to offer support, so she fears
not having help, before, during, or after leaving.
These women fear
being found,brought back, and punished for having tried to leave their abuser.
They fear for their safety as well as that of their children. To defy an abusive
partner is dangerous business.
For some, they have not been permitted to
work outside the home, nor have access to family finances; they feel financially
trapped. Where is she to go without money, or access to it?
The
psychological abuse that women endure is a major factor in why she stays.
She has been programmed, by her abuser, that all the problems within the
relationship are her fault. This is where guilt enters the stage.
She
may feel guilty for not being able to make her husband happy enough, her own
abuse, for not being able to protect her children, and guilty for every negative
thing she has ever heard her abuser say. When you hear negative things about
yourself, long enough, whether they are true or not, you come to believe them as
truth.
Along with that, religious beliefs can inspire a tremendous
amount of guilt. I'm not a good wife... I'm not a good mother... I should be
submissive to my husband, etc... Let's face it... there a religions that
actually condone beating a wife for disobedience.
Finally, some battered women
don't realize they're being abused, simply because they have not sustained
physical injury. Not every battered woman is beaten.
I am not
a battered woman... He's never actually hit me... He just says things he doesn't
mean when he's angry, drunk, or high...
Domestic abuse and
violence are not synonymous. All women who have been beaten have been
emotionally/psychologically abused (battered), but not all
emotionally/psychologically abused women have been beaten. Sadly, those who have
bee physically assaulted are one up on those who wear their scars on the inside.
Physical abuse produces physical evidence. Emotional abuse does not. Therefore,
physical abuse can be reported and punished; not so for
emotional/psychological abuse.
So, why do women stay? Because
they feel damned if they do, and damned if they don't. Without support and
resources they are stuck.
No one deserves to be abused... NOT
EVER.
The Trii-Zine Ezine
www.ezines1.com
About the Author:
A domestic abuse survivor,
Trina Sonnenberg used writing as a coping mechanism during her years of abuse.
Her book, 'My
Journey' is the result of that personal struggle and has been published as a
way of offering solidarity and hope to others who are in a similar situation.
Trina L.C.
Sonnenberg
Publisher - The Trii-Zine Ezine - Your Trusted Source for
Internet Business and Marketing Information. Serving online professionals since
2001. ISSN# 1555-2276
http://www.ezines1.com/triizine
http://www.ads-on-q.com/intro
http://www.trinaschiller.ws
Keywords: domestic abuse, domestic
violence, battered women, emotional abuse, psychological abuse
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