Warning List
This list identifies a series of behaviors typically demonstrated by
batterers and abusive people. All of these forms of abuse,
psychological, economic, and physical - come from the batterer's desire
for power and control. The list can help you recognize if you or
someone you know is in a violent relationship. check off those
behaviors that apply to the relationship. The more checks on the page,
the more dangerous the situation may be.
Emotional and Economic Attacks
*Destructive Criticism/Verbal Abuse: Name-calling; mocking; accusing; blaming; yelling; swearing; making humiliating remarks or gestures.
*Pressure Tactics: Rushing you to make decisions through
"guilt-tripping" and other forms of intimidation; sulking; threatening
to withhold money; manipulating the children; telling you what to do.
*Abusing Authority: Always claiming to be right (insisting
statements are "the truth"); telling you what to do; making big
decisions; using "logic."
*Disrespect: Interrupting; changing topics; not listening or
responding; twisting your words; putting you down in front of other
people; saying bad things about your friends and family.
*Abusing Trust: Lying; withholding information; cheating on you; being overly jealous.
*Breaking Promises: Not following through on agreements; not taking a fair share of responsibility; refusing to help with child care or housework.
*Emotional Withholding: Not expressing feelings; not giving support, attention, or compliments; not respecting feelings, rights, or opinions.
*Minimizing, Denying & Blaming: Making Light of behavior and
not taking your concerns about it seriously; saying the abuse didn't
happen; shifting responsibility for abusive behavior; saying you caused
it.
*Economic Control: Interfering with your work or not letting you
work; refusing to give you or taking your money; taking your car keys
or otherwise preventing you from using the car; threatening to report
you to welfare or other social service agencies.
* Self-Destructive Behavior: Abusing drugs or alcohol;
threatening suicide or other forms of self-harm; deliberately saying or
doing things that will have negative consequences (e.g., telling off
the boss)..
* Isolation: Preventing or making it difficult for you to see
friends or relatives; monitoring phone calls; telling you where you can
and cannot go..
* Harassment: Making uninvited visits or calls; following you; checking up on you; embarrassing you in public; refusing to leave when asked..
Acts of Violence
* Intimidation: Making angry or threatening gestures; use of
physical size to intimidate; standing in doorway during arguments; out
shouting you; driving recklessly..
* Destruction: Destroying your possessions (e.g., furniture); punching walls; throwing and/or breaking things..
* Threats: Making and/or carrying out threats to hurt you or others..
* Sexual Violence: Degrading treatment based on your sex or sexual orientation; using force or coercion to obtain sex or perform sexual acts..
* Physical Violence: Being violent to you, your children,
household pets or others; Slapping; punching; grabbing; kicking;
choking; pushing; biting; burning; stabbing; shoots; etc..
* Weapons: Use of weapons, keeping weapons around which frighten you; threatening or attempting to kill you or those you love..