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Jesus said to the woman, "Your faith has saved you; go in peace" (Luke
7:50 TNIV).
"The difference between appreciation and flattery? That is
simple. One is sincere and the other insincere. One comes from
the heart out; the other from the teeth out." (Dale Carnegie in
"How to Win Friends and Influence People")
There is something wonderfully enigmatic about sensing that another
person notices your efforts -- weak attempts though they may be -- and
kindly expresses such recognition with even a single word of
thankfulness. One paltry word, even? Yes. A mere word can make or break
a person's spirit.
On any given day, individuals, young and old, from every life
background have an inner, and frequently unidentified, hunger for a bit
of expressed goodwill. Dale Carnegie knew this secret over fifty years
ago and spent his life reminding others that all people have this need.
It's a "craving" to receive validation for their accomplishments, their
purpose, and their very person. Carnegie notes that, "... the rare
individual who honestly satisfies this heart hunger will hold people in
the palm of his or her hand."
Cynics may grouse that there's a fine line between appreciation and
flattery or between affirmation and manipulation. Well, it isn't so.
Flattery is simply verbal manipulation that benefits the speaker alone.
The words may be true or not, that's not the point. Flattery is about
the one speaking it and his or her gain, not about the person receiving
a false or exaggerated compliment.
Cynics may grouse!
Appreciation runs deeper. It marks another's actions or attitudes and
sees the benefit in the attempts ... no matter how insignificant. Real
appreciation also alters both the speaker and the recipient, for the
good. It spawns renewed vision, encourages continued efforts, and
lights a fire for ongoing perseverance toward excellence.
Perhaps the most significant difference between flattery and
appreciation is that one offers life in abundance while the other
signals an inner death knell to the listener. People instinctively know
if they're being schmoozed and it's always an ugly thing.
The question then is how to offer praise genuinely when someone is
glaringly lacking from every visible vantage point. Again, wise and
resourceful Carnegie offers this quote as a starting point for zeroing
in on others' strengths, hidden though they might be: "Every man I meet
is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him" (Ralph Waldo
Emerson). Wise words and utterly true.
In short, as we practice the art of identifying people's strengths and
offer words of consistent appreciation, we will take part in their
success. This will naturally spill over positively, affecting countless
others. Today, begin focusing on the strong points of people and then
commit to communicating daily sincere appreciation to all. These few
powerful words, which cost us so little, will be treasured by the
recipient long after we've forgotten them, and there's nothing
insincere about it.
Thank you
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