Dear wife,

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good.
 

I've been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to show
for it. These last 2 weeks have been hell.  Your boss called to tell me
that you had quit your job today & that was the last straw.

Last week, you came home and didn't even notice that I had gotten a new
hair cut, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new pair of
silk boxers.  You came home and ate in two minutes, and went straight to
sleep after watching all of your soaps.

You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't want sex anymore or
anything.  Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me
anymore...whatever the case is, I'm gone.

Your EX-Husba nd

P.S. Don't try to find me. Your SISTER and I are moving to West
Virginia, together!

Have a great life alone!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My Dear Ex-Husband:

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.

It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a
good man is a far cry from what you've been.  I watch my soaps so much
because they drown out your constant whining and griping. Too bad that
doesn't work.

I did notice when you got a hair cut last week, the first thing that
came to mind was "You look just like a girl!" but my mother raised me not
to say anything if you can't say anything nice.

And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused
with MY SISTER , because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.
I turned away from you when you had those new silk boxers on because
the price tag was still on them.  I prayed that it was a coincidence that
my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning and your silk
boxers were $49.99.

After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it
out.

So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for 100 million dollars,
I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. 

But when I got home you were gone.  Everything happens for a reason I
guess.

I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted.

My lawyer said with your letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime
from me.  So take care.

Signed: Rich As Hell, Free and Alone for the MOMENT!!!

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carla, my sister, was
born Carl...I hope that's not a problem