IF MY BODY WERE A CAR

If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about
trading it in for a newer model.

I've got bumps and dents and  scratches in my finish and my paint job is
getting a little dull,  but that's not the worst of it.

My traction is not as graceful as it once was.  I slip and slide and
skid and bump into things even in the best of weather.

My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins.

It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed.

My headlights are WAY out of focus and pointing at the ground!

But here's the worst of it --

Almost every time I sneeze, cough or sputter .... either my radiator
leaks or my exhaust  backfires!