Recent Quips From Late Night
"Scooter Libby was found guilt of perjury, obstruction, and making false statements -- or, as the White House calls it, a press conference." --Bill Maher
"Yesterday, I. Lewis Libby, a.k.a. 'The Scooter', the vice president's chief of staff found guilty on four of five counts ranging from obstruction of justice to lying to a grand jury. Yes, we got the guy -- the one-man cancer on this White House has been removed." --Jon Stewart
"There's a bipartisan commission now who's looking into what's going on at Walter Reed. They're about to make recommendations about the conditions there. The conditions? It's a Taco Bell franchise. There's mold and rats. Recommendations? How about a bucket and mop?" --Bill Maher
"Another horrible day for the stock market. It went down another 100 points. In fact, the only company to make money was the Tennessee power company that sells electricity to Al Gore." --Jay Leno
"The other day an American Airlines employee tried to let former Vice President Al Gore bypass airport security, but guards stopped Gore and made him go through the metal detector. The head of security said, 'We had to search Al Gore. He could have been armed with a speech.'" --Conan O'Brien
"While he was there, Bush did an interview with the Brazilian press and he said the most difficult decision a president could ever make is sending troops into harm's way. But enough about Walter Reed." --Bill Maher
Actual Answers From Students On Music Exams
- The principal singer of nineteenth century opera was called pre-Madonna.
- Gregorian chant has no music, just singers singing the same lines.
- Sherbet composed the Unfinished Symphony.
- All female parts were sung by castrati. We don't know exactly what they sounded like because there are no known descendants.
- Young scholars have expressed their rapture for the Bronze Lullaby, the Taco Bell Cannon, Beethoven's Erotica, Tchaikovsky Cracknutter Suite, and Gershwin's Rap City in Blue.
- Music sung by two people at the same time is called a duel; if they sing without music it is called Acapulco.
- A virtuoso is a musician with real high morals.
- Contralto is a low sort of music that only ladies sing.
- Probably the most marvelous fugue was the one between the Hatfields and the McCoys.
- A harp is a nude piano.
- Refrain means don't do it. A refrain in music is the part you'd better not try to sing.
- I know what a sextet is but I'd rather not say.
- My favorite composer was Opus. Agnus Dei was a woman composer famous for her church music.
- Johann Sebastian Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster which he kept up in his attic.
- Rock Monanoff was a famous post-romantic composer of piano concerti.
I LOVE THESE!!! lol :) :)
GOD BLESS YOU ALL,
LOVE, MARILYN
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