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Sammy Hale

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Muddy Dandelions
5/11/2009 6:22:53 PM
THIS IS TOTALLY WONDERFUL.  JUST 'CLICK' ON THE LINE BELOW.. TURN ON THE SOUND.  

 


YES, THIS LINE

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Sammy Hale

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What I have learned living in Texas
5/11/2009 6:38:41 PM

1. A possum is a flat animal that sleeps in the middle of the road. (the same could be said about skunks and armadillos)

         

2. There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in Texas .

         

3. There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 of them live in Texas , plus a few that no one's seen before.

         

4. If it grows, it'll stick ya. If it crawls, it'll bite cha.

         

5. People actually grow and eat okra.

         

6. It is not a shopping cart, it is a buggy.

         

7. 'Jaw-P?' means 'Did ya'll go to the bathroom?'

         

8. Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're two.

               

9. 'fixinto' is one word.

         

10. There is no such thing as 'lunch'. There is only dinner and then there is supper.

         

11.  You don't have to wear a watch, because it doesn't matter what time it is, you work until you're done or it's too dark to see.

         

12. Backwards and forwards means 'I know everything about you.'

         

13. The word 'jeet' is actually a phrase meaning 'Did you eat?'.

         

14. You measure distance in minutes.

         

15. You don't PUSH buttons, you MASH EM.

         

16. 'No. Jew?' is a common response to the question 'Did you bring any beer?'.

         

17.  All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect or animal.

         

18. You switch from heat to A/C in the same day.

         

19. You only own five spices: salt, pepper, Texas Pete, Tabasco and Ketchup.

         

20. You know what a 'DAWG' is.

         

21. You carry jumper cables in your car --- for your OWN car.

     


22. You find 100 degrees Fahrenheit 'a bit warm'.

         

23. The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages  for local gossip and motorsports.

         

24. You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.

         

25. Going to Wal-Mart is a favorite past time know as 'goin' Wal-Martin' or 'off to Wally World'.

         

26. You know all four seasons: Almost summer, summer, still summer, and Christmas..

         

27. Fried catfish is the other white meat.

         

28. You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good Chicken stew weather.

         

29. We don't need no dang Driver's Ed. If our mama says we can drive, we can drive

         

30. If you understand these things, you send them to your Texas friends and those who just wish they were from Texas .

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Sammy Hale

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45 Life Lessons
5/18/2009 9:14:38 PM
Written by Regina Brett, 90 years old, of the Plain Dealer, Cleveland, Ohio
 
To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me... It is the most-requested column I've ever written. 
My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:
1.   Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2.   When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3.   Life is too short to waste time hating anyone...

4.   Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will.  Stay in touch.
           5.   Pay off your credit cards every month.
6.   You don't have to win every argument.  Agree to disagree.
7.   Cry with someone.  It's more healing than crying alone.
8.   It's OK to get angry with God.  He can take it.
9.   Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10.  When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11.  Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12.  It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13.  Don't compare your life to others.
     You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14.  If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15.  Everything can change in the blink of an eye.  But don't worry; God never blinks.
16.  Take a deep breath.  It calms the mind.
17.  Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful, or joyful.
            18.  Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
            
        19.  It's never too late to have a happy childhood.
                   But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20.  When it comes to going after what you love in life,
       don't take no for an answer.

21.  Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie.  Don't save it for a special occasion.  Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now.  Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: 
     In five years, will this matter?’
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is it will change.
32. Don't take yourself so seriously.  No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Don't audit life.  Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day.  Miracles are waiting everywhere.
            40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's,
                  we'd grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come.
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up, and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.
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Sammy Hale

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Laws of Ultimate Reality
5/25/2009 6:21:20 PM

THE LAWS OF ULTIMATE REALITY

& Law of Mechanical Repair
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

&
Law of Gravity
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

&
Law of Probability
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

&
Law of Random Numbers
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

&
Law of the Alibi
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

&
Variation Law
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every  time).

&
Law of the Bath
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

&
Law  of Close Encounters
The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

&
Law of the Result
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

&
Law of Biomechanics
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

&
Law of the Theatre
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

&
The Starbucks Law
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

&
Murphy's Law of Lockers
If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

&
Law of Physical Surfaces
The chances of an open-faced jam sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

&
Law of Logical Argument
Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

&
Brown's Law of Physical Appearance
If the shoe fits, it's ugly.

&
Oliver's Law of Public Speaking
A closed mouth gathers no feet.

& Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy
As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

&
Doctors' Law
If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. Don't make an  appointment and you'll stay sick.

 

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Sammy Hale

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Just shuffle the letters
5/27/2009 6:41:27 PM

DORMITORY: 
When you rearrange the letters:

DIRTY ROOM


 



PRESBYTERIAN:
   
When you rearrange the letters: 
BEST IN PRAYER

 



ASTRONOMER:
   
When you rearrange the letters: 
MOON STARER

 



DESPERATION:
   
When you rearrange the letters: 
A ROPE ENDS IT

 



THE EYES:
   ! 
When you rearrange the letters: 
 
THEY SEE

 



GEORGE BUSH:

When you rearrange the letters: 
 
HE BUGS GORE

 



THE MORSE CODE
  :
When you rearrange the letters: 
HERE COME DOTS

 



SLOT MACHINES:
 
When you rearrange the letters: 
 

CASH LOST IN ME

 



ANIMOSITY:
 
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY

 



ELECTION RESULTS: 
When you rearrange the letters:   
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT

 



SNOOZE ALARMS: 
When you rearrange the letters: 
 
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S

 



A DECIMAL POINT:  
When you rearrange the letters: 
IM A DOT IN PLACE

 



THE EARTHQUAKES:  
When you rearrange the letters:  
THAT QUEER SHAKE

 



ELEVEN PLUS TWO:  
When you rearrange the letters: 
TWELVE PLUS ONE

 




AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE: 
 

MOTHER-IN-LAW: 

When you rearrange the letters: 

WOMAN HITLER
 

Yep! Someone with waaaaaaaaaaay 
too much time on their hands! (Probably a son-in-law)

LOOK.....FEEL....LIVE....to the MAX http://www.getmaxnfused.com Get paid for reading emails, $10.00 bonus for signing up! http://hits4pay.com/members/index.cgi?barky Come visit http://community.adlandpro.com/forums/thread/582176.aspx
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