Since her new husband is so old, Lou Anne decides that after
their Wedding she and Morris should have separate bedrooms,
because she is concerned that her new but aged husband may
overexert himself if they spend the entire night together.
After the wedding festivities Lou Anne prepares herself for
bed and the expected "knock" on the door. Sure enough the
knock comes, the door opens and there is Morris, her 85 year
old groom, ready for action.
They unite as one.
All goes well, Morris takes leave of his bride, and she
prepares to go to sleep.
After a few minutes, Lou Anne
hears another knock on her
bedroom door, and it's Morris. Again he is ready for more
"action". Somewhat surprised, Lou Anne consents for more
coupling. When the newly weds are done, Morris kisses his
bride, bids her a fond good night and leaves.
She is set to go to sleep again, but, aha you guessed it -
Morris Is back again, rapping on the door, and is as
fresh
as a 25-year-old, ready for more "action". And, once more
they enjoy each other.
But as Morris gets set to leave again, his young bride says
to him, "I Am thoroughly impressed that at your age you can
perform so well and so often. I have been with guys less
than a third of your age who were only good once. You are
truly a great lover, Morris."
Morris, somewhat embarrassed, turns to Lou Anne and says:
"You mean I Was here already?"
The moral of the story: Don't be afraid of getting old,
Alzheimer's has Its advantages.
************************************
A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods.
She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The
frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you
three wishes."
The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to
mention that there was a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish or,
your husband will get ....... times ten!"
The woman said, "That's okay." For her first wish, she wanted to be the
most beautiful woman in the world.
The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your
husband the most handsome man that ever lived, an Adonis whom women will
swoon over and flock to". The woman replied, "That's okay, because I
will be the most beautiful Woman and he will have eyes only for me."
So, KAZAM!!! - She's the most beautiful Woman in the world!
For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.
The frog said,"That will make your husband the richest man in the world
by far. And he will be ten times richer than you. "The woman said,
"That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine."
So, KAZAM!!! - She's the richest woman in the world!
The frog then inquired about her third wish, and after careful
consideration she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack."
Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them.
ATTENTION female readers: This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here
and continue feeling good.
Male readers:
The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife!!! Moral of
the story: Women are really dumb but think they're really smart. Let
them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show.
PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show
that women are nosey cows and never listen!!!
Forward this to all the guys for a good laugh, and to all the ladies who
have a good sense of humour.
******************************************
SHOCKER..............FOR ALL WOMAN TO READ
Have
you ever noticed ladies who sit their handbags on public toilet floors
- then go directly to their dining tables and set it on the table?
Happens a lot!
It's not always the 'restaurant food' that causes stomach distress. Sometimes "what you don't know 'will' hurt you"!
Read on...
Mum got so upset when guests came in the door and plopped their handbags down on the counter where she was cooking or setting up food. She always said that handbags are really dirty, because of where they have been. Smart Mum!!!
It's something just about every woman carries with them.
While we may know what's inside our handbags, do you have any idea what's
on the outside?
Shauna Lake put handbags to the test - for bacteria - with surprising results.
You may think twice about where you put your handbag.
Women carry handbags everywhere; from the office to public toilets to the floor of the car.
Most women won't be caught without their handbags,
but did you ever stop to think about where your handbag goes during the day?
"I drive a school bus, so my handbag has been on the floor of the bus a lot," says one woman.
"On the floor of my car, and in toilets."
"I put my handbag in grocery shopping carts, on the floor of the toilet while changing a nappy," (diaper) says another woman "and of course in my home which should be clean."
We decided to find out if handbags harbour a lot of bacteria.
Most women told us they didn't stop to think about what was on the bottom of their handbag.
Most said at home they usually set their handbags on top of kitchen tables and counters where food is prepared.
Most of the women we talked to told us they wouldn't be surprised if their handbags were at least a little bit dirty.
It turns out handbags are so surprisingly dirty, even the microbiologist who
tested them was shocked.
Microbiologist Amy Karen says nearly all of the handbags tested were not only high in bacteria, but high in harmful kinds of bacteria. Pseudomonas can cause eye infections, staphylococcus aurous can cause serious skin infections, and salmonella and e-coli found on the handbags could make people very sick.
In one sampling, four of five handbags tested positive for salmonella, and that's not the worst of it.
"There is faecal contamination on the handbags," says Amy.
Leather or vinyl handbags tended to be cleaner than cloth handbags, and lifestyle seemed to play a role.
People with kids tended to have dirtier handbags than those without, with one exception.
The handbag of one single woman who frequented nightclubs had one of the worst contaminations of all.
"Some type of faeces, or possibly vomit" says Amy.
So the moral of this story - your handbag won't kill you, but it does have the potential to make you very sick if you keep it on places where you eat. Use
hooks to hang your handbag at home and in toilets, and don't put it on your
desk, a restaurant table, or on your kitchen countertop. Experts say you should think of your handbag the same way you would a pair of shoes. "If you think
about putting a pair of shoes onto your countertops, that's the same thing
you're doing when you put your handbag on the countertops" - your handbag
has gone where individuals before you have sneezed, coughed, spat, urinated, emptied bowels, etc!
Do you really want to bring that home with you? The microbiologists also said cleaning a handbag will help.
Wash cloth handbags and use leather cleaner to clean the bottom of leather handbags.
Kind regards
Amanda Martin-Shaver
