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Hello Friends,
I received this from a friend and had to share.
Enjoy..
I used to eat a lot of natural
foods until I learned that most people
die of natural causes.
Gardening Rule:
When weeding, the best way to make sure
you are removing a weed and not a
valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the
ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
The
easiest way to find something lost
around the house is to buy
a replacement.
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
There are two kinds of pedestrians: the
quick and the
dead.
Life is sexually
transmitted.
Health is merely
the slowest possible rate
at which one can die.
The only difference between a rut and a
grave is the
depth.
Health nuts are going to feel stupid
some
day, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
Have you noticed since everyone
has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?
Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing
again
All of us could take a lesson from
the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
In the 60's, people took acid to
make the world weird. Now the world
is weird and people take Prozac to make it
normal.
How is it one careless match can
start a
forest fire, but it takes a
whole box to start
a campfire?
Who was the first person to look at a cow
and say, "I
think I'll squeeze these dangly
things here, and drink whatever comes
out?"
Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its
butt."
Why is there a light in the fridge
and not in the freezer?
If Jimmy cracks
corn and no one cares,
why is there a song about him?
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet
Soup?
Did you ever notice that when you
blow in
a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you
take him on a car ride, he sticks his
head out the window?
Why doesn't glue stick to the
inside of the bottle?
Do you ever wonder
why you gave me your email address?
Amanda Martin-Shaver
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