Hello To All My AdlandPro Family,
A couple of days ago I wrote a forum on "Confidence" and I received some great responses to it, but now I would like to give people some ideas on how to build up their confidence. I hope that this article will help anyone that may have a problem in this area!
Did you know that 1 out of every 10 people have a fear of talking to strangers? Believe it or not, I am one of those people! I have a social anxiety disorder that causes me to have panic attacks when I have to sit in a room and socialize! When I enter a room full of people, whether new faces or people I know, it seems like almost an impossible task to start a conversation. I sit and wait and pray to God that someone else will speak and say "Hello" first, but the silence still persists.
Unfortunately, the unwillingness to communicate can cause missed opportunities for people like me to meet new people and make new friends. Over time, and with lots of practice, that timid behavior can be overcome. It is kind of like learning to swim…the more you throw yourself into the water the less fear you will have of the water, right? Right!
Here are 4 major roadblocks that stand in the way of starting conversations. Very problem has a solution, right? Well, I will give you the solutions to these problems that will help you with the motivation to keep the conversation wheel rolling!
THE FEAR OF REJECTION
This is the #1 reason that people won’t start a conversation, but as I said practice will make this fear fade away. The more often that you learn to start a conversation the better you will become at doing it. So, when you walk into a room don’t wait for someone to speak to you first…go ahead and introduce yourself or say "Hello". If you take the "active" role instead of the "passive" role not only do your skills develop, but there will be a lesser chance of rejection. Remember and understand this…gains vs losses. For example, what is so bad about getting a rejection from someone you don’t even know?
CAN’T THINK OF ANYTHING GOOD TO SAY
The solution to this problem is to make certain that you ask open ended questions using words such as, "How is…?" "Why are…? and "What was…?" These questions require people to elaborate, or give an explanation and shows the other person that you are interested in them. Give a compliment about something you noticed about them, and then follow it up with a related question. This not only flatters people, but it appeals to someone’s personal interests. This satisfies the #1 human desire… to feel appreciated!
UNCERTAINTY OF INVOLVEMENT
Start off by being an active listener. Always make eye contact with whoever is speaking, and remember to listen for what is called "iceberg statements." These are pieces of information that are just under the surface always ready to be talked about. For example, an implied statement about someone’s family, or a key phrase such as "independent contractor". Be sure to smile, nod and respond with follow up inquires. This will allow you to become included in the conversation.
PERCEPTION OF CONVERSATIONAL VALUE
What does this mean? This is your perception or value of the converstion that is going on around you! Perhaps you feel small talk is a waste of your time, or maybe you feel that there is not a reason for you to interact with the people around you, or you won’t gain anything by saying "hello" to the person next to you! WRONG!! Yes you will! People start conversations for 5 reasons: to help, to learn, to relate, to influence and to play. Just think, you may never know who you are going to meet! "Fear not to entertain strangers for in so doing some will entertain angels unaware." Remember, some people enter into our lives and change it forever. But, until you own the attitude that every conversation will affect your life, whatever gain is accrued when you engage in social interaction will continue to be outweighed by your fear.
Initiating a conversation is only half the battle, but it is the most difficult part of interpersonal communcation and therefore it is an important skill to master. You will overcome the initial fear of rejection as you learn to start more and more conversations and when you do it more often. The probability of rejection will be reduced when you learn to use open ended questions that appeal to the needs and interests of others. And, when you be an active listener and remember to have the attitude that conversations do have value, you will no longer have to worry about getting the conversation wheel rolling.
I pray that this will help someone that needs a little boost of confidence, especially when you need to socialize. It may seem hard at first, but just like everything else in life...practice makes perfect! The more you practice the easier it also becomes. Stick with it and you will definitely see a difference, and you will be able to overcome all of your fears that you may have with communicating with others.
Good luck and if you need some help or anything please send me a message and let me know. I will help you if you need it!
God Bless You,
Marilyn