>Quickie #1
>
>One day, Jay Dini came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very
>sexy nightie.
>
>"Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want."
>
>So he tied her up and went fishing.
>
>
>Quickie #2
>
>A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the
>house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, "Honey,
>pack your bags. I won the lottery!"
>
>The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain
>stuff?"
>
>"Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get out."
>
>
>Quickie #3
>
>Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the
>other is a husband.
>
>Quickie #4
>
>A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license. First,
>of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card
>with the letters: 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'
>
>"Can you read this?" the optician asked.
>
>"Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."
>
>
>Quickie #5
>
>
>Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, "I must tell
>you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent."
>
>"Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of
>chardonnay."
>
>
>Quickie #6
>
>A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her
>husband burst into the kitchen.
>
>"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're
>cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need
>more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're
>going to STICK!
>
>Careful...CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're
>cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have! you LOST
>your mind?
>
>Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use
>the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!!! THE SALT!!!"
>
>The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I
>don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
>
>The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels like when
>I'm driving."
>
>
>Quickie #7
>
>Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was
>drafted by the Army.
>
>On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb. That
>afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair.
>
>On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon the
>Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth.
>
>On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap. The Army has been
>looking for Herman for 51 years!
>
>