I just thought I would make a post letting you all know how my doctors appointment went. Before I do though I want to let you know about what has happened to me in the past few days. My father knocked on my bedroom door yesterday and wanted to take me out to lunch, I guess he saw that I was kind of down.

     I told my father that I had said the words I do not want to live out loud to myself. He was happy he told me this. The past few months have been hard on me on a lot of levels. Whats really hard is I do not want my problems to be everyone elses problems. The reason I say I feel like a curse is sometimes I feel like my problems are just that things that become other people's problems.  I try to help others but in the process all I wind up doing is feel like I would be better if I was out of everyone's way.
        The appointment was intense like the first one. We seem to agree that my ocd manifested itself when I was 12. I have a theory on it and before I say what it is I first want to say I am not someone who takes one side or the other when it comes to nature versus nurture I belive its both. So when I talk about what caused my ocd I am only talking about what caused it from a nurture side. I believe its a chemical inbalance I am just saying what helped it along. I think I developed ocd as a defense mechanism for being a teenager I was worried that when I became a teenager I was going to be this juvenile delinquent. I got along with my parents great when I was ten so I was scared to death wehn I was 12, I started doing things like checking things when I was 12.

Hello Johnathan, Thank you for sharing,I know things will get better,You just need to find the right solution for you,it will happen,we are always here for you,your friend kathy/simikathy.com