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Hello my friends,
This is for all the families who are in turmoil over there marriages and family relationships.
Kathy Hamilton/simikathy.com
Is the family really in danger and is this the cause of all society’s woes?
Many people believe that the problem with families today is the root cause of most of the crime and violence. The problem is not the family, instead it is relationship among family members.
Politicians and fundamentalists are often quick to rant about the importance of family values. They promptly blame the perceived breakdown of the family for almost every social ill. Most recently many new groups have been organized to save marriages in trouble. This is not necessarily a bad thing but I don’t believe all marriages are worth saving. There are marriages where a lack of acceptance, caring and love creates an unhealthy environment that no one should be forced to tolerate.
Family relationship is really the important thing.
Without a caring, respectful and loving relationship among the members, family is meaningless and often even destructive. There is no question that many family members would be much better off living with total strangers than staying in a cruel and abusive environment.
Even before the days of Ozzie and Harriet there was a myth about the ideal family. There probably are some families where all the members treat each other with love and respect but they are definitely a minority. Dysfunction in families is the rule rather than the exception. This dysfunction is abetted by ideas such as "blood is thicker than water,""family conquers all" and "family first always." Family members often find themselves not just subjected to abusive behavior but expected to protect the perpetrators from exposure. This often creates an intolerable atmosphere of fear, shame and guilt. These situations can get so bad that they lead to violence, either against the victim or the perpetrator.
Is a father really essential in a family?
Many individuals and organizations support the myth that a father figure is essential in a family. A father figure can be beneficial only if it is a positive influence on the family. Any family would be better off without a cruel and uncontrollable alcoholic as a father figure. For that matter, even a sober and cruel extremist can be a serious detriment to a family. Clearly it would be better without a father than burdened with such extreme behavior.
Family members must realize and acknowledge that the ideal family is not simply a father, mother and children.It is really a related group where the members respect the rights of all members and treat them with love and compassion. Each member in such a family must be a good householder, that is, a person who participates in the interdependence of the family but is not dependent on others for personal fulfillment. In other words, they have a life beyond the family. Family members exhibiting inappropriate behavior should be called on it so they will be aware that such behavior is not acceptable.
A Definition Of Love
The key to good family relationships is love, so it is critical to have a good definition of love. A common definition is that loving someone means wanting what is best for them. This certainly sounds good but if we really analyze it becomes clear that we can never know what is best for anyone. We seldom know what is best for us. To me, loving someone means wanting for them what they want for themselves. If you can do this even when you believe their course is not necessarily the best for them, then it is likely that this is real love.
Is it possible to have good family relationships?
I believe it is but it’s not easy. It takes an effort on the part of all the family members.It requires complete honesty even when it is painful. It is essential to remain alert for even minor discourtesy because this can be a precursor to more serious problems. If you can’t even be courteous to another family member, what chance do you have for a loving and caring relationship. Situations involving discourtesy are quickly and easily resolved when nipped in the bud and this helps to keep everyone on track. It must always remain clear that the responsibility for maintaining a good, loving and respectful family relationship rests with every individual in the family.
Families are not in danger regardless of their composition or all the rhetoric. The problems rest with relationships. The effort needed is not to maintain a certain family structure but to develop and nurture loving and caring relationships.
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