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For The Kids...
If a wizard was knocked out by Dracula in a fight what would he be?
Out for the count!
What kinds of wizards have their eyes closest together?
The smallest ones!
Why do wizards clean their teeth three times a day?
To prevent bat breath!
What happened to the wizard who ran away with the circus?
The police made him bring it back again!
Why do witches only ride their brooms after dark?
That's the time to go to sweep!
What happened when the wizard met the witch?
It was love at first fright!
When is it unlucky to see a black cat?
When your a mouse!
How do you keep a wizard in suspense?
I'll tell you tomorrow...!
How did the Vikings send secret messages?
By norse code!
Why did the knight run about shouting for a can opener?
He had a bee in his suit of armour!
Teacher: Who can tell me where Hadrians Wall is?
Pupil: I expect it's around Hadrian's garden miss!
Why were the early days of history called the dark ages?
Because there were so many knights!
Why did cavemen draw pictures of hippopotamuses and rhinoceroses on their walls?
Because they couldn't spell their names!
What is the noisiest game?
Squash - because you can't play it without raising a racquet!
Where do flies go in winter?
To the glass foundry to be turned into bluebottles!
Why did the king go to the dentist?
To get his teeth crowned!
"Tell me" said the tourist to the local yokel. "Will this path take me to the main road?"
"No sir!", replied the man. "You'll have to go by yourself!"
Why are you covered in bruises?
I started to walk through a revolving door and I changed my mind!
How do you prevent a Summer cold?
Catch it in the Winter!
Why did the pioneers cross the country in covered wagons?
Because they didn't want to wait 40 years for a train!
Why did the teacher wear sunglasses?
Because his class was so bright!
1st Roman Soldier: What is the time?
2nd Roman Soldier: XX past VII!
Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher?
He couldn't control his pupils!
Teacher: What family does the octopus belong to?
Pupil: Nobody I know!
What do you get if you cross a dog and a cheetah?
A: A dog that chases cars - and catches them!
What happens when it rains cats and dogs?
You can step in a poodle!
What sort of clothes does a pet dog wear?
A petticoat!
What do you get if you cross a dog and a lion?
A terrified postman!
What happened to the dog that ate nothing but garlic?
His bark was much worse than it's bite!
What is a dogs favorite flower?
Anything in your garden!
What dog wears contact lenses?
A cock-eyed spaniel!
What's a dog favorite hobby?
Collecting fleas!
What did the hungry Dalmatian say when he had a meal?
That hit the spots!
What do you get if you cross a Rottweiller and a hyena?
I don't know but I'll join in if it laughs!
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